Just ask me

Ask me if I could choose between my three children. Ask me who my favorite or least favorite is. I couldn't tell you.

Six months ago I couldn't have said that. Although I loved Selah, the whole attachment process took a while- for both of us. But, oh man, I adore this girl. (And I'm pretty sure she feels the same about us!) There were days when I wasn't sure it would ever happen. But, it did.

I'm smitten. Honestly, though, how could you not be???

Vietnam Reunion

The kids at the hotel after our long day!! Aren't they precious?? And, no, they did not stay this happy all night!!!

Cynthia and Kien and Selah and me- what great fun to go to dinner with this precious family!

Selah and Luke givin' some lovin'.
All the Ninh Thuan kiddos.
Selah, Maile, and Anna- sweet friends who missed their buddy, Olivia!!

Last weekend, our family had the privilege of travelling to Tulsa where we got to meet many new friends, all of whom have adopted or are in the process of adopting from Vietnam. We got to see our travel partners, Daniel, Jamie, and Luke and Selah was reunited with many of her friends from the orphanage she spent most of her life in. It was truly humbling to see all of these children home with their families.

On our way to Tulsa, we stopped in Dallas and got to stay with our sweet friends, Mandy and Arnaud, who adopted Anna from Ninh Thuan, where Selah is from. Kim-Lan and Don, who adopted Maile from Ninh Thuan came over for dinner. So, we had our own little reunion before we even got to Tulsa!

It was wonderful to meet people who I've only talked to on the phone or on-line. It was especially neat to meet my dear friend, Casey (and her beautiful children), who has become one of my dearest "phone friends." I thoroughly enjoyed long talks with Heather, Leigh, and Craig and Chaunta- something that I will look forward to more of at future Vietnam Heritage camps.

What a blessing, also, to see our sweet case worker, Jynger, whom I have come to love and respect dearly over the last two years. I was also able to have wonderful chats with Daniel and Jamie (who I was so afraid hated me after our trip to Vietnam together!!!) and to visit with Jamie's sweet mother and sister.

One of the highlights was meeting Kien, a little boy that Jeff and I fell in love with who we met at Selah's orphanage. Apparently, he had many who met him at the orphanage wrapped around his finger and we were not the only ones excited to see him home with his forever family. We even got to go to dinner with Kien and his parents- who are so sweet!

It's hard to express in words what this weekend meant to me. To see so many families who have so much in common with us is truly a gift. Thank you to all of you who made it so special for the rest of us!

A Big Move

We found out a couple of weeks ago that we are moving to Canada! When Jeff first started his job here in Texas, he told upper management that he would be very interested in doing an international rotation. Well, the Lord has decided it is time for us to go and we are looking at starting our trek up to Calgary, Alberta, Canada in October or November.

The boys are looking forward to ice skating and snow. Jeff is looking forward to being outdoors again. I'm looking forward to shorter commutes and hiking in the beautiful mountains. And poor Selah doesn't know what she's in for as the climate where we live is very similar to that in Vietnam. Any tips to keep Asian skin protected from the cold and wind would be much appreciated!

What I have in common with Andrea Yates

Yikes. Did I really say that? How could I, being of sound mind and body have anything at all in common with Andrea Yates, the infamous mother who drowned her five children in the bath tub? Or what about Dena Schlosser- the woman who severed her baby's arms with a kitchen knife? There's also a woman named Dee Etta Perez who shot her three children before she killed herself. A few miles away from Ms. Perez, a young woman named Gilberta Estrada committed a similar act just a couple of weeks ago. She's the mother who hung herself and her four little girls. Three of the girls, all under the age of ten, died.

So, what do I have in common with these seemingly disturbed women? First, I'm a mom. Second, I live in Texas. Has anyone else made the connection that all of these children killed by their mothers live right here in the great state of Texas? I'm sure there are other similarly heinous crimes all over, but the majority of them seem to be right here- in the state I live in.

I have to ask, "Why?" I thought everything was supposed to be bigger and better in Texas. I'm not originally from Texas. I have the benefit of being able to compare Texas and the way we live here to the two other states I've lived in as an adult- New Mexico and Virginia. I have to say that while the people, women and mothers in particular, are beautiful, I often wonder, "How perfect can one really be?"

Am I the only mother who calls her husband at work to say, "I'm having a moment that I can really sympathize with Andrea Yates." Am I the only one who thinks, "If anyone knew I was really feeling this way right now, they'd surely call CPS on me."

Sometimes, during the week, I feel like I barely keep my head above the water. Sometimes, I walk into church on Sunday morning with my plastic smile and ironed dress and think, "I wonder if I'd still be welcome if they knew- really knew- the kind of mother I've been all week." And, sometimes, I'm not sure I would be welcome.

I'm just going to be perfectly blunt and honest here, ladies (and guys.) There seems to be a certain "plastic" feature to the women here in Texas that I've not witnessed anywhere else I've lived. There seems to be this need to keep everything "looking" perfect. Who cares if one is barely holding it together on the inside, as long as everything "looks" perfect, that is all that matters.

Which brings me back to Andrea Yates and all the other mothers. I wonder....I just wonder. Did these women feel the pressure of having to keep up with the beauty and perfection of the beautiful Texas women around them? I know I do sometimes. And if some chemical in my brain was just a little out of whack and I was having a particularly difficult day and I was watching all these women around me who seem to have it all together all the time.......could I snap??

Thankfully, I am surrounded by a small group of women who I feel I can be completely and totally honest with. I have several friends and family who I would not hesitate to call (and HAVE called) when I am feeling especially overwhelmed. I have a very supportive husband who, when he can't be here, will listen and provide encouragement.Thankfully, and most importantly, I also have a God who I can call on who gives me peace when I ask for it.

I guess I just wonder if these women, these women who killed their children....if they'd had someone....anyone.....who they could have been "real" with....would they had committed such atrocities? I know that Andrea Yates did go to church regularly although I don't know about the rest of these women. Did Ms. Yates go to church and see the women around her and think she would never measure up???? Did she think, "I could never bear my soul to them. They are far too good."

I know there are so many "what if's" in this post. I've had several conversations recently with mothers whom I deeply respect who have said, "I'm having an Andrea Yates moment." Wow. I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

Maybe we need to say that more often. Maybe we need to be more real with the women around us. Maybe it's not just in Texas. Maybe if Gilberta Estrada had lived next door to me, I could have watched her kids for a few hours. Maybe our church could have helped her out with some groceries. Maybe we could have paid her electric bill. Maybe if Andrea Yates had gone to my church, someone would have seen how overwhelmed she was and come over to help. Maybe someone would have said, "I feel your pain. No, I REALLY feel your pain. I know what it's like to juggle all that you are juggling at the moment." Maybe they wouldn't have even asked if they could help, maybe they would have INSISTED on helping.

But, then again, maybe we're all too busy making sure our own plastic smiles don't crack that we don't even notice.

It's Official

Actually, it was official over a month ago. I can not believe that just a year ago, Selah was not yet with us physically. I can not remember life without her, nor do I want to. She is a blessing to our family and I constantly find myself in awe that God chose this girl for us! We went to court in April and received Selah's official papers just last week saying she now shares our last name.

We are so proud of Sam and Silas, who are such great big brothers. I am often dumbfounded at the patience they show her that I've never seen them show to each other. Recently, they have been in the habit of telling Selah how pretty she is after she gets ready in the morning. She seeks them out and we can not leave the house until she is told by her brothers that she is pretty.

I am honored that God chose me to be a mother to all three of these children. They are all unique, all cherished, and all loved by a mom who could not have imagined a more beautiful family.