James & Kate

Dear James and Kate,

You are never far from my mind. Your courageous parents are never far from my mind. I can't believe it's been one year since God graced this world with your presence. I will never forget the perfectness of your little heads, fingers, and toes. I will never forget how your mother held you close to keep you warm. I will never forget the grief, but even more, the love that was present that day. And I will never forget the beauty. Your mama and I have talked a lot about beauty since you were born. You, James and Kate, define it for me.

I love you and miss you.

Surgery Update

Thank you so much for your prayers yesterday. We felt them- especially Sam- all day. All things considered, Sam is doing exceptionally well. As I write, he is downstairs playing Wii and allowing me to dote on him which I don't get to do too often.
Silas came with us for the day and was so sweet with Sam. He kept saying, "You doin OK, buddy? Can I get you anything, buddy?" The doctors and nurses commented about how sweet they were and Jeff and I, of course, were beaming.

The big disappointment of the day is that we were informed that Sam would need at least one more surgery and possibly two more. Sam was not happy about this news and we encouraged him to not think about it right now. We're not thinking about it either.

When the doctor came out to talk with us after surgery, sweet Jeff got a little light headed and abruptly got up to leave the room. The doctor realized Jeff was about to pass out and yelled, "Put your head between your legs! Sit down! Put your head between your legs!" Jeff did as he was told and recovered, although he was white as a sheet. What a precious man I married to sympathize with his son so much.

After a slight delay because of the technicolor vomit incident(s), we were allowed to come home. Sam mentioned several times how much it meant to him that people were praying for him. He was especially excited about a phone call from his Aunt Amy who sang a song about being courageous in the Lord. The first thing he said when he woke up was that he needed to call Aunt Amy and tell her he was OK. He had tears in his eyes when he told us he knew that God had helped him be courageous. Oh- for a faith like that!

Thank you, again, for everyone who prayed, helped with childcare, brought meals, and encouraged us with scripture. We are truly blessed!

Something profound

Our phones aren't working this morning. I'm not sure if it's because the extreme cold (-32 C right now) that sends people into a frenzy or what, but "all circuits have been busy" for the last three hours. It's been one of "those" mornings. It's not just the phones, but a slew of other things that seem to be going wrong and I keep asking God, "WHAT, Lord???? What is it you want to tell me??? PLEASE make it clear!!!"

My phone rang. Guess who it was? My friend, Hope. She, also, could not get through to anyone else. Somehow, she got through to me. We hung up and I called her. It worked. All I could think of was that the Lord MUST have something to tell me through her since she was the ONLY one I could talk to.

I wrote this e-mail to Jeff: (we were communicating via e-mail since phones weren't working)

I think all the lines are busy. But, guess who called? Hope. She couldn't get through to anyone else- including Darcy- and somehow she got through to me. I called her back and it worked. But neither of us can get through to anyone else. Do you think it's from God??? I think God must have something to say to me through Hope. That's all I can think of. I keep telling her to tell me something profound- something that God wants her to tell me.

Jeff replied:

Maybe it's just her name that's profound for you today- "Hope."

Sam and his surgery

Sam's surgery will happen on Tuesday, January 29. Because of the sensitive nature of the surgery, I can not go into detail. But I will tell you it is not as serious as an appendectomy but more serious than a tonsillectomy. It will probably be day surgery. He will probably by quite uncomfortable for a week afterwards and will not be able to do much physical activity for several weeks.

We went for an orientation at the hospital yesterday and when I asked him about how he was feeling afterwards he said he was very excited that he would get to eat Popsicles when he wakes up.

This is our first surgery or any medical procedure with any of our kids. I know we are very blessed to have had such healthy children.

If you are a friend or family of Sam's and have the time, would you write him a quick note here and tell him you're thinking about him? I thought I would print them out and read them to him on the day of surgery. Thank you so so much for your prayers. I am convinced it was because of those prayers that we are able to stay here in Canada for surgery in the first place.

Wouldn't life be grand.....

....if all of us could be amused so easily.

Our American Idol

It was the poo.

Many have asked us, especially recently, about our adoption of Selah. A common question among those that have not adopted is, "Were you afraid you wouldn't think she was beautiful?" And I can honestly say, "No- that was not a fear of mine." I knew she would be beautiful to us. I don't know why, I just never worried about that.

But I did worry about something else. The poop. I know, how dumb, right? I've always been a little over-sensitive to smells and I was so afraid that I would not be able to handle the smell of Selah's poop. You know how when you have to change the diaper of someone else's kid and it's just so so gross??? So, there you have it- one of me biggest secret fears.

But, you know what? It never bothered me. And I think I know why. It's because Selah WAS my kid. She IS my kid. I'm just thankful that I'm the one who was chosen to change Selah's poops. I do, however, hope that Selah (being almost 3) will soon decide to poop in the potty!

Hope

I met her the first week we moved to Canada. She has called to check up on us. She has had us over for meals. She has brought me lists of doctors and the closest grocery stores. She has prayed for me. She has listened to me. She has shown up on my doorstep to check up on me.

She has validated me. She has not judged me. She has encouraged me.

She is one of the reasons why I love Canada. She is one of the reasons why I love our church.

Her name is Hope.

Our Christmas vacation

The whole family standing on Lake Louise

Lake Louise-one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen

Enjoying the scenery (yes, it was cold!)

A big horned sheep- we saw a whole herd of them on the side of the road

On a hike near Radium Hot Springs

What a good year it is starting off to be......

Thank you to the sweet friend who wrote these words to me from "Life of Pi":

What a terrible thing to botch a farewell… It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said, but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.

I get to start this year knowing there are no words left unsaid and, man, my heart is a heck of a lot lighter.