Constructive Criticism

Every year at his place of work, Jeff receives an evaluation. The review is usually a collection of data from his superiors, those at the same level, and those who work under him. In that evaluation he is given a rating based on his performance from the year. He is told the things he excels in and the areas where he needs to improve. Jeff works hard to enhance the positive things and improve on the things that need improving.

As a stay at home mom, I do not receive a yearly review. Oh, Jeff can give me pointers here and there and may tell me that he needs more of one thing and less in another. But, in general, an annual evaluation is not something that most stay at home moms receive.

I made this realization today when a precious friend gave me some constructive criticism. I won't deny that it was hard to hear. But as this friend spoke to me about these things I need to work on I was filled with a profound peace. I think she was worried I would be angry, but I knew that the words she spoke came out of her love for me. The things she told me were not new news for me. I knew that the issues she spoke of were things that I struggled with. But, it was hearing how my behavior affected others that impacted me.

I feel that, in some strange way, I was given an evaluation today- a much needed one. My job is "homemaker." I am in the business of relationships- relationships with my husband, children, and friends and family. I know I have strengths and my friend has always pointed those out. If I felt only criticized, I'm sure the evaluation would not have gone over as well.

I feel quite blessed that I have a friend- really several friends- who know me well and are willing to call me on the carpet when it is needed. How else would I grow? If I am allowed to continue negative behaviors unaware of how I'm affecting others, I would never be convicted to change.

I am convicted that the Spirit spoke through my friend. I am thankful.

Perhaps the hardest part about constructive evaluations is not hearing it, but acting upon it. But, I pledged to her (and my husband who was thankful that I have a friend willing to speak the truth in love) that I WILL work on it.

And if there is no improvement, I expect another evaluation in the future.

He told me he loved me.

I got grumpy last night. Whether it was hormonal or chemical or what I do not know. But, I was grumpy. I was mad at the dog because he wouldn't stop sniffing my butt. I was mad at Jeff because he doesn't notice huge messes. I was mad at the kids because they make huge messes. And I was mad at myself for being mad at such stupid things. And I lost it. I mean, really lost it.

I yelled at the dog first. Poor Abe. He always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then I yelled at Jeff. Poor Jeff. He was just there. Lucky for the kids they had already gone to bed or else they probably would have received the brunt of my grumpiness.

Since I don't feel too bad about being grumpy with Abe (he forgets easily), it wasn't but 10 minutes (about half way in to My Rona Home) after my fit that I began to feel sincere remorse for how I had yelled at my poor husband. Poor guy. So, I did what I find myself needing to do way too often.......I apologized. It was a sincere apology. I really did feel terrible. I couldn't even back up the apology with a, "I acted that way because.......". I had no idea why I acted that way. Sometimes, it's easier when there is a reason. But, there was none. No reason at all.

And do you know what my husband said?? I can tell you what he didn't say. He didn't say, "Are you PMS'ing?" And he didn't say, "Did you take your medication today?" And he didn't say, "That was really ridiculous and uncalled for." Nope. He didn't say any of those things.

All he said was, "I love you, Erin." Huh?!?! He LOVES me?? After my two year old fit. And he loves me? How, oh how, oh how, does my husband love me after all that?

And I was reduced to tears. A big pile of mush, I was. Oh, I love this man. How I LOVE him! So many times he is Jesus to me. He shows me love when I don't deserve it. He shows forgiveness before I've even asked for it.

At our church yesterday, the sermon was about the Fruits of the Spirit (you know- peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control, gentleness, faithfulness) and how we need to show these fruits in our relationships with each other. Jeff modeled it perfectly for me last night.

I am determined that I will follow Jeff's example and be the Fruit in my relationships, too. But, I want to ask that you be patient with me as I struggle to truly grasp what this means. And perhaps before we show anger and unforgiveness towards others, (which I completely deserved last night), perhaps our first response when we are wronged by someone should simply be, "I love you."

I am going to start praying that this will be my response when I feel wronged by others. Lord knows, Fruit has been shown towards me more times than I can count.

Kind of like last night when Jeff told me he loved me.

Dear lady in the black Mercedes SUV.......

Today as I loaded Selah up in the van, you sat in your brand new shiny black Mercedes SUV. I didn't think about the wind that was blowing like crazy when I opened up my door. The wind caught my door and banged violently in to your passenger door. The scratch was quite noticeable, although there did not appear to be any body damage.

You rolled down your window and, to my surprise, said, "Don't worry about it! It's just a car! No worries!"

"Don't you want to take a look at it?" I asked. "I have insurance and I'm more than happy to give you my information."

"No way! It's a car! And it was a total accident. I'm not even going to look at it."

I mumbled my sincere apologies. And I was moved and humbled by the mercy in which you showed me.

I watched as you unloaded your own daughter and walked in to the grocery store, never even looking at the scratch. I'm not sure you realize what an impact you made on me.

And you, ma'am, are one of the reasons why I have fallen in love with this city called Calgary.