De-friend
I wonder if "de-friend" was a word before Facebook came along. I wonder if you've ever been "de-friended". I wonder if it didn't bother you one bit or if it crushed you like it did me.
I just read this blog. I get it. Friendships don't happen over Facebook or e-mail. Friendships don't happen when someone writes a feel-good status update. Friendships don't happen when someone writes a nice compliment on your wall.
Friendships take time. They take sacrifice. They take loving the lovely and knowing the ugly and loving anyways. Similar to marriage, friendship is something worth fighting for. It's worth agreeing to disagree.
I canceled my Facebook account a few months ago. I realized that I was putting too much stock in the friends I had on Facebook and not spending enough time with the friends I have in real life. (Please don't hear from this blog that I think everyone should quit Facebook. On the contrary, I think most people use it in a very healthy, non-time-consuming way.)
I have a handful of friends that know me- the good, the bad, and the ugly. They are the "pick up where you left off even if you haven't seen or talked in months" kind of friends. They are the "call when I need to be encouraged and need a good laugh" kind of friends. They are the "pray with me, for me, about me" kind of friends. I hope that the feeling is mutual:) (I'm pretty sure it is.)
I wonder, though, do you have a hard time keeping or making friends? In what ways do you maintain friendships in spite of our busy lives? What advice might some of you have in keeping and making friends?
I just read this blog. I get it. Friendships don't happen over Facebook or e-mail. Friendships don't happen when someone writes a feel-good status update. Friendships don't happen when someone writes a nice compliment on your wall.
Friendships take time. They take sacrifice. They take loving the lovely and knowing the ugly and loving anyways. Similar to marriage, friendship is something worth fighting for. It's worth agreeing to disagree.
I canceled my Facebook account a few months ago. I realized that I was putting too much stock in the friends I had on Facebook and not spending enough time with the friends I have in real life. (Please don't hear from this blog that I think everyone should quit Facebook. On the contrary, I think most people use it in a very healthy, non-time-consuming way.)
I have a handful of friends that know me- the good, the bad, and the ugly. They are the "pick up where you left off even if you haven't seen or talked in months" kind of friends. They are the "call when I need to be encouraged and need a good laugh" kind of friends. They are the "pray with me, for me, about me" kind of friends. I hope that the feeling is mutual:) (I'm pretty sure it is.)
I wonder, though, do you have a hard time keeping or making friends? In what ways do you maintain friendships in spite of our busy lives? What advice might some of you have in keeping and making friends?
posted by erinlo at 6:44 PM
9 Comments:
I, also, was de-friended on Facebook and it devastated me. I don't know why because it wasn't someone that I cared too much to be friends with.
As far as making and keeping friends, I think time is the biggest thing. We want a quick fix as with most things in this life. Facebook is, maybe, a quick fix. We can feel like we have tons of friends, but it doesn't fill us for too long. Investing time in meeting for coffee or taking a meal when a friend is in need or girls' night out or weekend trips- not just clicking "yes" to being friends on Facebook- is what we need to be doing.
I'm with you. I stopped Facebook a long time ago. The reason I stopped was because of the ability and tendency to "post" things you would NEVER say to someone's face. I became guilty of that time and time again, and it was time to stop!
Well said Erin! Being de-friended must be a little like being dis-membered! You know what I mean.
Most often it's for the wrong reason and the relationship is so surface that no one seems to care. I love your description of friendship and the fact that it's worth fighting for. Relationships are the fiber of our lives! We learn from the One Who created the precious gift of relationship!
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I have never been one to have a difficult time making friends; the difficulty is more with having meaningful, long-lasting, real friendships like you've described.
I used to be able to count those kinds of friends on 2 or 3 hands, but now I find myself mostly with acquaintances and no-one that I would really count as a close friend. At least not locally anyway.
I am someone who likes to do things for others, not because I think it'll make them like me more but because that's just who I am. But I do find I question my motives now for helping people because more & more I feel like I am doing it so they will like me and be my friend.
I miss having real friends who want to know what's going on in my life. I'm tired of the acquaintances who only call when it's convenient for them or when they have no-one else to call/hang out with. Who I am kidding...they don't even call then.
It's been a real eye-opener for me as to who my real friends are and it saddens me there aren't as many as I thought. I don't do one-sided friendships (anymore).
I'm down to counting on one hand...and not even the whole hand.
Oh, my anonymous friends, whoever you are. My heart aches. I so know this feeling. If I live near either one of you (Denver area), will you please please e-mail me?? (erin76@juno.com) And even if I'm not near you, I would love to talk to you. There are no quick fixes, are there? And friendship is certainly not one-sided. It must be mutual. Unfortunately, I think the busy-ness of life sometimes gets in the way and we just don't make the time that we should. And, sometimes, we are not willing to look past eachother's faults and weaknesses to get to the heart of who we really are. We MUST be willing to take the time to see through our sometimes rough exteriors. (I know the heart ache of not being "seen through.")Thank you so so much for taking the time to comment. It means a lot to me.
And thank you, also, to me "non" anonymous commentors. Erin- I know exactly what you mean- I have been guilty of the same things. Aunt Sherry- I like what you said- "relationships are the fiber of our lives." It is SO true. WHY don't we spend more time investing in them, then?
You are all wonderful!
What is going on that so many of us are having a hard time keeping/ making friends? Is it a female thing? Is it that we are too busy? Is it that we are not fun people to be around? There can't be THAT many of us that are just so not fun that no one wants to be friends with us. I was once told, "Thanks for reaching out, but I'm not really in need of friends right now." Seriously? Those of you that think you have your perfect little world all neat and tidy, with friends and family in place, please please consider that there are others that might need you. Don't get comfortable. Be willing to reach out and take the time to get to know some one you may have never realized would be a true treasured friend.
Oh my gosh. I have read and loved each of these comments. And they make me sad - I get this on many levels :(
"And, sometimes, we are not willing to look past each other's faults and weaknesses to get to the heart of who we really are. We MUST be willing to take the time to see through our sometimes rough exteriors." ....this statement has been my life this past year. It's true I have made terrible choices in my life that I will regret every day until I die. But it's also true that I am still a child of God and am striving to be a better person than I was yesterday. It's sad when we start to become defined as our mistakes, and not something more significant than that.
Love you and can't wait to hug you!!
I guess I'm learning (notice that's present-tense, not learnED) about seasons when it comes to friendships in my life. I've had some really precious friends drift away, and I fought it and fought it hard for awhile. I'm not very gracious like that. But I'm seeing now that there's an ebb and flow to all relationships, especially in my friendships. My life is so like a river; there are the rocks, friends like you whom I'll have til the day I die. I can call you and cry, or laugh, or ask for a huge favor, and I know you'll love me forever. Well, I hope so anyway. You might feel differently once my family invades your house for awhile! :D Then there are friends like water, who come in and refresh and then flow out again. Some of them I'll never see again, but they add so much richness to my life. Facebook has allowed me to experience more of those kinds of friends, to get inside their heads a little, and to share their lives in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. And for a few friends, it's revealed to me that they don't belong in my life, or maybe I don't belong in theirs.
I'd still be sad to be de-friended, and I'm a little scared to go in and use that nifty app that tells you who's defriended you, but I suspect it wouldn't come as any surprise if I saw who they were. I've had to defriend a family member, and that was hard. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to be a little more fluid in my idea of friendship and not be so devastated when friendships fade away for whatever reason. I don't probably work hard enough at keeping the ones I've got, so that's something I always have to be aware of and working on.
--Teri.
--Teri.
Ok lady! I went to look you up and couldn't find ya...thought you did something like this! I only go here onece a day to check status, maybe spend 5 min a day on it. but i agree. real friends are the ones you can pick up where you left off...miss you woman! had to come straight to the blog to see what was up! GLad we still have this! Love ya!
Jane
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