Damn them....because I wish I could.
I did everything I knew to do. I made sure he had "cool" clothes. I made sure and had a "hip" haircut. I made sure he brushed his teeth every morning and took a shower at least every other day.
But, yesterday, Sam came home from school in tears, sobbing. He's been getting teased relentlessly at school. The names that he gets called every day are too graphic to write on this blog, but sufficient to say, my mama heart is broken.
He said it's been going on since the beginning of the school year and that he didn't want to tell me because he knew I'd do something about it and he didn't want me to embarrass him. I get that.
Jeff was also made fun of at this age. I keep telling myself that Jeff turned out OK, right? But, really, I just want to yank Sam out of that school and never send him back. I wish it were that easy.
I wish I could shelter Sam from the cruelties in this world. I wish I could take it all away. But, I really wish I could kick some fifth grade ass.
But, yesterday, Sam came home from school in tears, sobbing. He's been getting teased relentlessly at school. The names that he gets called every day are too graphic to write on this blog, but sufficient to say, my mama heart is broken.
He said it's been going on since the beginning of the school year and that he didn't want to tell me because he knew I'd do something about it and he didn't want me to embarrass him. I get that.
Jeff was also made fun of at this age. I keep telling myself that Jeff turned out OK, right? But, really, I just want to yank Sam out of that school and never send him back. I wish it were that easy.
I wish I could shelter Sam from the cruelties in this world. I wish I could take it all away. But, I really wish I could kick some fifth grade ass.
posted by erinlo at 5:56 AM
18 Comments:
I'm with ya. My heart is broken for you. Little monster children! I'd want to kick some kid ass too!
Let me know if that is what you decide to do, I'll come up and help! Tell my Sam that he is the coolest 5th grader I know, and give him a hug for me if that isn't to uncool!
Hugs to your broken momma heart as well.
We love you guys as always.
Jill
Oh Erin. Feeling powerless to change things is the worst when it comes to our babies. Praying for your little man.
What is the school's policy on bullying? What about approaching the parents of the kids?
With everything that's happening in the world on bullying these days, I was sure to check out KJ&C's school's stance on bullying. Seems like they take a pretty hard line, though I pray I never have to find out if they do or not.
You are all in my prayers and I hope resolve can come quickly.
p.s. I too will come down and help kick some ass if need be!
Erin, obviously you're not in Calgary anymore, but I found the information in this link quite helpful in arming myself with more knowledge in a 'what if' situation.
http://www.cbe.ab.ca/new/bullying/bullying.asp
The links in the 'Children' and 'Parents' sections might be of help to you too.
Love you.
A.
Oh Erin! You and I are so very alike! I am so sorry Sam is having such a rough time. Please tell us if you did anything? Talked to the teacher? Contacted the principal? Unfortunately, Luke was bullied pretty bad at the beginning of last year. (Right after we moved and his first few weeks at the new school.) It got so bad that one day, the kid swung at Luke on the playground, Luke dodged and took off running into the school and hid. Hid so long the principal phoned me saying they had lost him and asked if he had run home. (Not a phone call for the faint of heart!) The school was fabulous how they handled it, but Luke was terrified for months. The bully was sent to a school for problem kids, but Luke was worried he knew where we lived or he would see him out somewhere. It did end up being a blessing though. All the teachers knew who Luke was and for a while he was a celebrity. Good for the new kid who normally is quite shy.
I still worry about him and read anything I can on bullying. Like you, I keep him in all things hip and check to make sure his zipper is up before he walks out every morning. I have found that being a familiar face at school really helps. I'm up there many days a week volunteering and I'm on the PTA board. The teachers know me well and I hear about what my kids are doing from them.
This fall, I asked Luke's teacher to help him make some male friends in his class. She was wonderful about it and emails me often to tell me how he is doing both socially and with school work.
I know I'm babbling, but you really hit a soft spot of mine. I hope and pray Sam will find his nitch and the bullies will leave him alone.
Oh, reading this broke my heart! I'm so sorry you guys have to go through something this awful :(
This brought back some memories of my elementary school days...I was the kid who would try to deflect the bullies attention from the poor kids, the native kids and the immigrant kids - advocating social justice on the playground...but I was never able to stop the bullying...but somehow it was better directed at me then them...sigh, my lifelong sadistic tendencies...
Anyways, I wish I had advice for you, but I don't...but I would love to hop on a plane, now that I have my passport thank you very much, and come to beat the snot outta those nasty children...or maybe just intimidate the heck outta them!
Love and hugs to the Lonards :)
What the heck does anyone have to tease that kid about?!?
That kind of thing needs to stop. Kids' hearts are tender, and I don't believe kids are nearly as resilient as people like to think they are. A wound like that can last a life-time--I still carry wounds from teasing when I was that age.
"Teri, you can't sing." So I don't sing.
"Teri, you're not fat. You're fluffy." So when I'm 130 pounds and my family thinks I'm bordering on anorexia, I feel fat. And when I'm 160 pounds after having a baby, I feel like an elephant.
"Teri, you're a nerd." So no matter how nice people are to me and accept me, I wonder if, underneath, they think I'm a freak.
That was nearly 30 years ago.
I'm not making any judgements against schools or anything like that. I'm just encouraging you to listen to that mama-rage in your heart and act on it if you feel you need to (well, maybe aside from the 5th-grader ass-kicking), and don't let anyone tell you that it's normal what Sam is experiencing. Your precious son is normal, not being teased or bullied.
--Teri.
Two words (or is it one?)Home.school. the school system cannot adequately protect and teach our kids.
I so feel for Sam right now. We moved a lot when I was a kid and nearly every time I had to be a target for the first few months before anyone would accept me and be my friend. Usually I ended up with all the other social outcasts.
Many years later there are some things I have learned that I would encourage you to share with Sam. It won't take away the pain, but it may help him understand what it happening to him and give him some hope that this will all stop.
1)Frequently, people who try to hurt others are hurting too. In the end, they just want someone to hurt as much as they do.
2)Most of the people who bullied me in junior high and high school are now great friends via Facebook! Years later we are all in similar stages and have grown up enough to let the past be forgiven.
3)This will not be forever. It will end. It may just take a while. Encourage him to find something he enjoys and be with others who enjoy those activities. The other outcasts I hung out with? We stuck together and grew up to be very successful and happy.
Thank you all so much for the feedback/ support. It really means a lot to all of us. We have taken some action over the last several days and feel like we have some really good plans in place.
I know that for many of you the answer is "homeschool." Why don't we just homeschool??? I wish it were that easy for our family. Homeschooling may be in our future, but it's hard when it seems like such an easy answer to everyone but me.
I REALLY REALLY appreciate all the support, you guys. Thank you so so much. I may be blogging later about the ways in which the Lord has worked through this situation- esp. through our church family.
We are blessed, indeed.
Erin, I was so sad to read this and I so hope your efforts to get change will be working. Remember if you do go to the teacher you have the right to insist the "reporter" of this info be kept anonymous. A wise teacher listening specifically for this, can hear it and bust the bullies without Sam being implicated. Ask for this. In fact sometimes, to get at what is going on I have pretended an internal person heard it in order to get the truth on the table. That being said, one of the best things to do is bully proof your son. A few years ago one of our schools created
www.bullying.org with lots of ideas for this. BTW, the teacher was honoured in Washington for his work on this project. Know I will be praying for you and Sam (and the bullies as well.)
Keep us posted.
Erin, I came to your blog to catch up on your precious family and I find myself in tears for Sam (and ya'll). I know this is in our future, especially with Landon, he is very sensitive and his talents are not typical little boy talents and many will not appreciate or understand that. I will look to you for wisdom on this someday. I'm so happy to be connected with you and your blog is a breath of fresh air. You encourage me to be more honest about my life girl!!
Check out www.operationaware.org
PS Homeschooled kids are bullied, too. I was one of them.
Erin, this is what my husband's cousin (who works for operation aware) said:
I definitely think the teachers/administration need to be told. Ignoring it usually does nothing but prolong it. Also, if there are kids who can make a point to stand up for him and tell the bullies to stop, that's the best thing. Maybe the teacher/admin can help get some good kids to step in and speak up for him.
He also should look them straight in the eye and tell them to stop and that he doesn't like it. Not punch them in the eye but look them in the eye!
Erin- Thank you SO MUCH for the info. I looked at Operation Aware- what a cool idea! Wish we were closer to Tulsa!
We did talk to Sam's teacher and the principal, although we never named names. We wanted to get the whole story first and try and work through it between the parents and kids. One of the families we've already met with and things went REALLY well. There were some underlying issues we were not aware of and I'm thankful that we got to know this family a little bit- they are good people.
Sam's teacher literally cried when we met with her. She, apparently, really likes Sam and had no idea this was going on and was very distraught. I really appreciated her tears- it showed me she really cared.
We are working with Sam on standing up for himself- looking them in the eye and all that. We are praying with, for him, and over him and so are many of our church people.
Hey- is your blog private? If so, can you send me an invite? I think you maybe did at one point, but I can't seem to get on it. erin76@juno.com
Thanks for your encouragement and for caring, Erin. It means a lot.
Erin, I'm so glad you were able to talk with the teacher and principal. This may sound warped, but knowing the teacher cried when told makes me feel better about the care Sam is under. She obviously does care and that is a huge blessing. I also think its great you met with one of the families. That says alot and I'm sure Sam is learning life lessons watching you work through these issues the best way you know how. I'll continue to pray for you guys in hopes things get easier for Sam and your family.
Nikki!! You always encourage me so much! Thank you so so much for taking the time to comment. I was so sad to read about Luke's experience, but relieved to see how his teachers responded. It's definitely a comforting thing to know that the administration will fight on behalf of our kids!
I always love and appreciate your comments. Thanks for that.
Love, Erin
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