Because of Jenny Biz

I only met you once or twice, Jenny, when you visited Jonathon at Bammel, but I could tell you were something special. When I read your blog, I am touched by the amount of posts about your daughter and husband. It is evident you loved deeply and fully.

Yesterday was a hard "mom" day for me. My own daughter threw fit after fit. My ears were ringing and I was exhausted by the end of the day.

As I laid in bed crying out to God on your family's behalf, the face of my own little girl kept coming to my mind. "Erin....." the Lord seemed to whisper, "this is what you can do to honor Jenny. Love your own family deeply and fully."

I wondered if I had been the one to die yesterday what Selah would remember of me. Would she remember how I lost my temper after the second hour of screaming? Would she remember how I curled up in a ball at the end of her bed and cried, "Lord! Give me wisdom! I'm at a loss!" What if that was the last image my daughter had of me?

Today, in honor of you, Jenny, because of you, I am taking Selah out. I'm not sure what we will do. But, it will be frivolous and fun. It will be a "just because" day. It will be a memory making day. It will be a "just because I love you" day. It will be a "remember this for a long time" day.

I am determined, Jenny Biz, that if I die today, THIS day is what Selah will remember of me. She will remember she had a mama that loved deeply and fully.

Thanks, Jenny. You will be missed deeply and fully.

Mom and Dad

This is my Mom and Dad who are currently living in Austria. They recently attended a ball with some other government dudes. Aren't they good looking for being as old as they are? (just kidding, Mom and Dad!) I am blessed to have parents still together and madly in love after 30 something years. (Mom- I just have to say you look hot in this dress! Can I borrow it?)

I'm particularly interested in the things they are doing in Austria because we- all five of us- are going to visit them soon! Woohoo!!!

I can hardly wait.

Facebook is my drug of choice.

I recently "downsized" the amount of people I was friends with on Facebook. I went from around 420 to around 100 friends. No, 320 people did not offend me. It was because I came to the realization that, for me, Facebook, has not been a healthy way of spending my time.

I checked all 420 friends Facebook statuses every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. I didn't always comment, but I was reading....promise. If I was looking at someone's page and noticed they had new photos, I would look at those. If someone posted a link, I would read it. If there was a status update along the lines of "I'm having a bad day," I would worry that I had done something to make their day bad- even if I had had no contact with that person!

My kids started asking me, "Are you STILL on Facebook?" Jeff would get home from work and I'd have no dinner ready, the house was in shambles, and the kids hadn't done their homework- all because I had been pouring over Facebook and lost track of time.

I would read in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. And it was getting ridiculous.

What was even more ridiculous is that I found myself pretending I had real relationships with most of these people. The truth is, I don't. I want to! But, obviously one can not be close friends with 420 people.

Instead of wasting hours and hours on Facebook, I have decided to try and re-connect with people over coffee and lunches and dinners- face to face- rather than through a computer screen. It is SO much more fulfilling! I am finding that being with people in person is far more soothing than the high I was getting from the hours I poured over Facebook.

Please, please do not take offense if you were one that I deleted. It is ALL me- has absolutely nothing to do with you.

It has everything to do with the fact that Facebook was my drug of choice and I am just now learning to say, "No."