Beauty from Ashes

There are so many things I'd love to blog about right now including our amazing visit from Uncle Curtis and Auntie Bernice from Canada, the last weeks of school before Christmas, the joy we get from watching our children enjoy this time of year, and a lovely Christmas with my entire family (including my parents, siblings, spouses, and all of our children!).

I suppose this is the time of year that many of us reflect. We reflect on the failures and successes, the relationships made and relationships lost, and, in general, where God has us and where He'd rather us be. One thing I love to look back on is how God takes sorrows and turns them into joys. Or, maybe He doesn't take away the sorrow, but it's because of deep sorrow that one really knows deep joy. I don't think I've ever experienced grief on the same level as many I know.

I KNOW I haven't experienced grief like our dear friends, Todd and Jill. You may remember me telling the story- almost 4 years ago now. After years of trying, Todd and Jill finally found out they were expecting- with twins! We were all so thrilled. There, in my opinion, was no one more deserving of the blessing of twins than Todd and Jill.

Sadly, 22 weeks into the pregnancy, God, for reasons we won't understand until we can ask Him, chose to take those little babies home. It was gut-wrenching. Jeff and I watched our dearest friends go through the one thing every parent prays they will never go through.  The haunting beauty of Jill as she held those babies and wept tears that no mother should have to cry is never far from my thoughts.  Todd carrying that tiny casket from the chapel to the gravesite will forever be etched into my memory.

Several months after moving to Canada, and about a year after the twins died, Jill called. I knew this was going to be a happy phone call. I could hear it in her voice. She was pregnant- with TWINS! My mouth dropped. I screamed. I jumped up and down. I can not express the joy that I felt, but Jill was cautious- cautiously optimistic. She was placed on strict bed rest for her entire pregnancy. And, in true Jill fashion, she was a trooper. She handled it with grace and dignity as no one doubted she would.

And, about eight months later Rachel and Elizabeth were born- full term perfectly healthy babies. And, can I just say, I really don't think I've ever seen such exquisite beauty? (Except for Selah, of course!)

We didn't get to see Todd and Jill the entire time we lived in Canada. I relied on blogs and e-mailed pictures to keep up with the girls' growth- which seems very rapid to me! But, two weeks ago, on our way to meet my family for Christmas, we had the blessing of meeting up with this dear family.

Rachel and Elizabeth are now two! And, they are darling. I wonder how it was for Todd and Jill in those first moments of meeting the girls. I know the depth of their love for James and Kate runs as wide as it does for Rachel and Elizabeth. I am certain that, in those first moments of life, Todd and Jill knew what deep joy was. And they are still experiencing it as they watch those two year olds hobble all over the place and fight with each other and love on each other.

Jeff and I got to experience it, as well, but on a much shallower level, I am sure. It was a joyous few hours, watching Todd dote on his girls and Jill mother them so eloquently.

I think I got a tiny glimpse into how God turns beauty from ashes. It made me want to appreciate every moment- the good stuff and the bad stuff.  It made me want to be present- not just here. It made me want to hold on to my children a little tighter and hold Jeff's hand a little more. It made me want to do my best to mend broken relationships and forgive a little easier. It made me not want to sweat the small stuff I so often stress over.

It made me want to know God on a deeper level and pray more. It made me want to be a more generous giver and a more humble receiver.

So, I suppose, this is my theme for 2011. God does and will turn ashes into beauty and whatever ashes I think I have (which are so minuscule in the grand scheme of life), I want to turn them over to Him and watch as He teaches me what true beauty really is.

Todd and Jill, Rachel, Elizabeth, James, and Kate- Thanks for being our friends. Thanks for putting up with us and thanks for teaching us, in your beautiful way, that God does, indeed, turn mourning into dancing.