Erinlo

If I were to write a Christmas newsletter

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 03:47:00 +0000

2009 Family Photo, taken by the very talented Chelsey Roberts

If I had my rear in gear, I would send every one of our lovely friends and family a beautiful, creative Christmas card. Since I don't, please accept my humble apologies and these words from each of us:

Selah- My favorite thing about 2009 was that I got a new toy at the mall. In 2010, I pray that God will help me run faster. I hope I am nicer to other people.

Silas- My favorite thing about 2009 was that we got some really cool new neighbors that are my age. In 2010, I pray that God will help me read better. I hope I will be a better friend to my brother.

Sam- My favorite thing about 2009 was that I got to spend a lot more time with my family, like Bonnie and Ben, and Grandma and P-Pa, and we are getting to see Uncle James for the first time in a really long time. In 2010, I pray that God will help me become a very good skateboarder. I would like to be a better son and grandson.

Erin- My favorite thing about 2009 was entering and becoming a finalist in a songwriting competition. Although I did not win the overall award, it was so much fun to sing (at a bar after church on Sunday) in front of my friends and family. In 2010, I pray that God will help me to be content wherever He puts me.

Jeff- My favorite thing about 2009 was going to Victoria, British Columbia, for a long weekend with Erin. The scenery was beautiful and we enjoyed an awesome bed and breakfast and good wine. In 2010, I pray that God will help me to be at peace.

There is so much more we could write about. We could write about how we all learned to ski, how we bought a house in a cool neighborhood, our last minute vacation to Yellowstone with Erin's cousins, our young adults' small group that we love, our church that we love, our "adopted" Auntie Bernice and Uncle Curtis who are our Calgary family, our brain damaged chocolate lab, Abe, Erin's crazy road trip by herself with the kids over the summer, Jeff and Sam's many hikes in the Canadian Rockies, Silas and Sam starting at a new Christian school, Silas's reading improvements, Selah's continued princess status and general cuteness, Erin's girls' prayer group and their wild weekend getaway to Edmonton, and so much more.

But, what it boils down to, is that we are blessed beyond measure. Thank you for being our friends and family. The first year we lived in Calgary we had many visitors. 2009 did not produce as many and we missed it! We are a mere hour away from the beautiful Banff and have been here long enough to know the good places to sight see. Must we "sell" you on how wonderful this place is??? Seriously, it's gorgeous! AND, we live here. You have free room and board! Come. See. Us.

Love to each and every one of you.

Marshmallows and Poginas

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 21:18:00 +0000

Jeff and I had the joy of helping with children's church last Sunday. I felt the need to document the hilariousness that ensued.

The birth of Jesus was the subject of the day and a video was shown of said events. It was not a cartoon, but a remarkably well acted account of Mary and Joseph and the chaos surrounding the birth of Jesus. Perhaps it was a little too realistic for 4 and 5 year old children.

The children were quite enthralled in the film, especially when Mary began to cry out during labor. Many were quite concerned as they yelled out things like, "What's wrong with her?" "She's just having a baby- it's not that bad, right?"

And, our witty friend Roberta who was leading the class, replied, "Oh, yes. Having babies is terribly painful. You should ask your mom about that when you get home."

Back to the movie- it kept skipping between Mary giving birth and the shepherds in the field, who all had staffs. And there was a fire in the distance. Which is the only reason I can figure that one five year old piped up, "Are they roasting marshmallows? I love marshmallows! Can we have marshmallows for snack?"

The movie then skips back to Mary, who with one final anguished cry, gives birth to a slimy, bloody baby Jesus. With a bare bum. Which, of course, the children thought was hilarious. After the laughing died down, there were many questions about "that slimy baby." And, Roberta, again, deferred by telling the children they should, "Ask your mom and dad about that when you get home."

One precious little girl really made her mama proud (alright, it was my kid) when she nudged the boy next to her and announced, "That baby just came out of his mama's pogina."

"Pogina?" said the boy. "What's that?"

I was quick to enter the conversation by repeating what I had heard Roberta say, "You should ask your mom about that when you get home. Oh, look, it's the shepherds again! I think they ARE roasting marshmallows! That does sound yummy, doesn't it?"

I was satisfied that a very awkward moment had been diverted when the boy asked, once again, "Are we having marshmallows for snack?"

Parents did come and get there children after (what seemed like) a very lengthy service. I heard there were a lot of questions asked by inquisitive, observant children who took Roberta's advice to ask their parents when they got home.

The only question my children asked was if we had any marshmallows at home.

In Memory

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 20:48:00 +0000

I get to sing at a memorial service at our church next week. It is a memorial service for anyone who has had a loss over the last couple of years. While most of us are celebrating and excited about the holidays, there are others of us who dread it just as much because someone who should have been there will not be. I can not express in words what it means to me that those of us who have had miscarriages were included as those who have "lost."

I, in no way, expect my loss(es) to be considered as great as those who have lost loved ones they have known, babies they have held in their arms, or as the untimely death of a parent. Still, though, it was a loss and when others acknowledge it as such, it is precious to me.

After my most recent miscarriage last June, I was emotional (more so than usual.....I know....how can that be?!?!?!), but was able to function just fine. I have found over the last couple of weeks as the holiday approaches that I am thinking about it more. I've been thinking about how pregnant I would be right now. I've thought about the extra stocking that we'd be hanging this year. And it makes me sad. But, I'm so very thankful for the three other stockings I get to hang!

Grieving through a miscarriage is tricky sometimes. Every once in a while I find myself in tears over it and then think to myself, "I have no business being this sad when there are others who have suffered losses of a much greater magnitude." Sometimes I'm afraid that others think I have no right to be sad. Sometimes, I think I haven't been sad enough. After all, as a Christian, we believe that life begins at conception!

But, more often times, I find myself being utterly thankful for the three amazingly beautiful children the Lord has gifted to me. I plan on cherishing every moment this Christmas.

Constructive Criticism

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 23:22:00 +0000

Every year at his place of work, Jeff receives an evaluation. The review is usually a collection of data from his superiors, those at the same level, and those who work under him. In that evaluation he is given a rating based on his performance from the year. He is told the things he excels in and the areas where he needs to improve. Jeff works hard to enhance the positive things and improve on the things that need improving.

As a stay at home mom, I do not receive a yearly review. Oh, Jeff can give me pointers here and there and may tell me that he needs more of one thing and less in another. But, in general, an annual evaluation is not something that most stay at home moms receive.

I made this realization today when a precious friend gave me some constructive criticism. I won't deny that it was hard to hear. But as this friend spoke to me about these things I need to work on I was filled with a profound peace. I think she was worried I would be angry, but I knew that the words she spoke came out of her love for me. The things she told me were not new news for me. I knew that the issues she spoke of were things that I struggled with. But, it was hearing how my behavior affected others that impacted me.

I feel that, in some strange way, I was given an evaluation today- a much needed one. My job is "homemaker." I am in the business of relationships- relationships with my husband, children, and friends and family. I know I have strengths and my friend has always pointed those out. If I felt only criticized, I'm sure the evaluation would not have gone over as well.

I feel quite blessed that I have a friend- really several friends- who know me well and are willing to call me on the carpet when it is needed. How else would I grow? If I am allowed to continue negative behaviors unaware of how I'm affecting others, I would never be convicted to change.

I am convicted that the Spirit spoke through my friend. I am thankful.

Perhaps the hardest part about constructive evaluations is not hearing it, but acting upon it. But, I pledged to her (and my husband who was thankful that I have a friend willing to speak the truth in love) that I WILL work on it.

And if there is no improvement, I expect another evaluation in the future.

He told me he loved me.

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 17:33:00 +0000

I got grumpy last night. Whether it was hormonal or chemical or what I do not know. But, I was grumpy. I was mad at the dog because he wouldn't stop sniffing my butt. I was mad at Jeff because he doesn't notice huge messes. I was mad at the kids because they make huge messes. And I was mad at myself for being mad at such stupid things. And I lost it. I mean, really lost it.

I yelled at the dog first. Poor Abe. He always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then I yelled at Jeff. Poor Jeff. He was just there. Lucky for the kids they had already gone to bed or else they probably would have received the brunt of my grumpiness.

Since I don't feel too bad about being grumpy with Abe (he forgets easily), it wasn't but 10 minutes (about half way in to My Rona Home) after my fit that I began to feel sincere remorse for how I had yelled at my poor husband. Poor guy. So, I did what I find myself needing to do way too often.......I apologized. It was a sincere apology. I really did feel terrible. I couldn't even back up the apology with a, "I acted that way because.......". I had no idea why I acted that way. Sometimes, it's easier when there is a reason. But, there was none. No reason at all.

And do you know what my husband said?? I can tell you what he didn't say. He didn't say, "Are you PMS'ing?" And he didn't say, "Did you take your medication today?" And he didn't say, "That was really ridiculous and uncalled for." Nope. He didn't say any of those things.

All he said was, "I love you, Erin." Huh?!?! He LOVES me?? After my two year old fit. And he loves me? How, oh how, oh how, does my husband love me after all that?

And I was reduced to tears. A big pile of mush, I was. Oh, I love this man. How I LOVE him! So many times he is Jesus to me. He shows me love when I don't deserve it. He shows forgiveness before I've even asked for it.

At our church yesterday, the sermon was about the Fruits of the Spirit (you know- peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control, gentleness, faithfulness) and how we need to show these fruits in our relationships with each other. Jeff modeled it perfectly for me last night.

I am determined that I will follow Jeff's example and be the Fruit in my relationships, too. But, I want to ask that you be patient with me as I struggle to truly grasp what this means. And perhaps before we show anger and unforgiveness towards others, (which I completely deserved last night), perhaps our first response when we are wronged by someone should simply be, "I love you."

I am going to start praying that this will be my response when I feel wronged by others. Lord knows, Fruit has been shown towards me more times than I can count.

Kind of like last night when Jeff told me he loved me.

Dear lady in the black Mercedes SUV.......

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:17:00 +0000

Today as I loaded Selah up in the van, you sat in your brand new shiny black Mercedes SUV. I didn't think about the wind that was blowing like crazy when I opened up my door. The wind caught my door and banged violently in to your passenger door. The scratch was quite noticeable, although there did not appear to be any body damage.

You rolled down your window and, to my surprise, said, "Don't worry about it! It's just a car! No worries!"

"Don't you want to take a look at it?" I asked. "I have insurance and I'm more than happy to give you my information."

"No way! It's a car! And it was a total accident. I'm not even going to look at it."

I mumbled my sincere apologies. And I was moved and humbled by the mercy in which you showed me.

I watched as you unloaded your own daughter and walked in to the grocery store, never even looking at the scratch. I'm not sure you realize what an impact you made on me.

And you, ma'am, are one of the reasons why I have fallen in love with this city called Calgary.

The one that my parents pretend I didn't write.

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 21:39:00 +0000

I've had something on my mind lately. It's really bugging me. It has to do with "relations" between a husband and a wife. Now, I am NOT afraid of the "s" word, believe me. But, I don't want to write it on this blog and receive unwanted visitors who may be searching for certain articles with the "s" word. So, please know that if you speak to me in person about this subject I am more than happy to use correct terminology, but, for now, on this blog, I will refer to the "s" word as "relations."

I help out with a group at our church called Moms and Tots. It's basically a bunch of moms who get together and have an hour or so of uninterrupted conversation while the kids are being babysat. When I asked the moms what sorts of topics they would like to talk about this year, guess what their first answer was? That's right- relations. Several moms said things along the lines of, "I just want to spice it up more and I want to talk about it openly and honestly in a non-raunchy sort of way."

I have several friends right now who are struggling in their marriages because of lack of relations. Either, it's never been fun or life has gotten in the way and there seems to be no time or energy for it.

I just think that God made relations, people. I think he made it for us to enjoy in our marriages! He didn't make it for us to dread or despise or withhold. He made it for our enjoyment! And I can't figure out why, if He made it for us to enjoy, it's such a taboo subject. I can't figure out why we don't talk about it more at church and with our small groups. I can't figure out why it seems to be such a shameful subject.

Having relations with your spouse is NOT shameful. It is not scandalous. It is a beautiful, amazing God- created gift. Not to mention the fact that it is a physical and emotional need!

I want to direct you to a Christian- based website that we (Jeff and I) have found to be very "helpful." It is called The Marriage Bed. LOVE this site!

For my sake and for others who read this blog and struggle in this area, I would love to hear your suggestions on ways to improve this part of our marriages. And, as always, please comment anonymously if you feel the need!

Emotional eating and all the stories they never told me in Bible class

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:01:00 +0000

I am reading through the Bible. For the first time. Ever. Yes, I've read the Bible and, just like most of you, I know all the main stories. I've memorized all the normal verses that we are challenged to memorize as youngsters. I know Noah and the Ark and David and the Giant and Jonah and the Big Fish and Jesus Born in a Manger.

I have meditated on Philippians and the Psalms. I have sought after wisdom in the Proverbs. I have giggled through Song of Solomon.

But, I've never read all the way through the Bible.

I am amazed at all the things I never learned in Sunday School. Rightfully so, mind you. There is some craziness going on all the way back in Genesis! Like, have you read the Naked Noah story? (Genesis 9: 18-29) And, don't even get me started on Judges. Oh. My. Word. I hadn't even heard of Jephthah and what he did to his daughter?!?!?! Wow.

But, one of the verses that I love the most lately is found in 1 Samuel. Hannah is pleading with God to give her a son. Eli, a priest at the temple where she is praying, sees her and thinks she is drunk or crazy because she's crying so much. Most of us probably know the story of how God does eventually give Hannah a son, whom she calls Samuel. But, back before she becomes pregnant, Eli tells Hannah to "Go in peace." He blesses her by saying, "May the God of Israel give you what you have asked him for." (Chap. 1 vs. 17)

Here's the kicker. The part that makes me laugh. The part that makes me feel better. The part that makes me realize how real of a woman Hannah was:

Then she left and had something to eat. Her face wasn't sad anymore. (Chap. 1 vs. 18)

Seriously?!?!? Even way back then women were emotional eating??? Hannah was sad. She ate. And she was happy. I love that. I have so much more in common with Hannah than I thought! (Besides the fact that we both had sons named Samuel.)

Sometimes I am sad. But then I eat. And I am happy.

Three Years Ago Today.

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 14:37:00 +0000

Selah Thu became ours on this day three years ago. I simply can not imagine life without my beautiful girl. Of course, it wasn't easy. Just like pregnancy, an adoption process is filled with uncertainty and scary moments. But, the second your child is placed in your arms, every doubt simply vanishes. Selah Thu is "ours" in every sense of the word and we know that God's hand orchestrated every part of her becoming ours.

Our very first glimpse of Selah sent via e-mail.

Me meeting Selah for the first time at the orphanage.

Jeff meeting Selah for the first time. She really took to him more than me at first. I remember him saying, "Hello, my sweet Selah. Daddy's gonna buy you a car and a pony. Whatever you want because you're my girl, aren't ya?"

Our spunky, sassy girl.

This isn't the greatest pic of Selah, but I just love the relationship that these two have. Selah adores her daddy. (more than me, I think)

I LOVE THIS GIRL!!!!! (And I think our smiles are similar.)

Several months ago, a friend e-mailed me after I had made a comment about Selah being adopted. (I can't remember the exact comment.) Anyways- my friend wrote and said something along the lines of, "I forget that Selah is adopted because she is so much a part of your family. When I look at her, I don't see your "adopted" daughter, I simply see Selah, your daughter." (I'm not sure, Hope, you knew how much those words meant to me at the time.)

You see, I don't recognize Selah as my adopted daughter. When someone approaches us and asks us about her, I am usually taken aback because I forget that she looks different. She is just our daughter.

She is not my adopted daughter. Not my daughter that looks different.

Just my daughter.

Jeff and I are having a discussion and would like your opinion.

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 02:10:00 +0000

Is it always possible for one spouse to work and one to stay at home and maintain a reasonable standard of living? (ie, live above poverty) Post anonymously if you feel the need.

Halfway to manhood.

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:13:00 +0000

That's what Sam reminded me of this morning. Tomorrow, Sam will be nine. Could it be that this boy who I gave birth to a mere nine years ago is so close to being a legal adult? It's hard to believe.

I love this boy. (And I will continue to say "boy" for a very long time.) I love his desire to please and the frustration he hasn't quite learned to control when he doesn't please. I love his competitiveness- so much like my own. I love his desire to be like his daddy. I love his protectiveness of Selah.

There is much I am proud of in Sam. I think that the mama bear has come out in me more often over Sam than my other kids. He is intelligent and sensitive and sometimes in the world's eyes this can equal nerdy and a cry baby. How often I have told him through my own tears that the Lord is pleased with his sensitive heart and that this is how Sam was created! And how often I have come to my room and sobbed knowing that there will be more heartache and trials and wanting so badly to shield him from it all.

Sam is quite proud of the increased hairiness on his arms and gets very excited over every little bump that pops up on his face. "Mom- I think I'm getting my first pimple!" he'll say. I love this sweet innocence and I hope he will always be proud, but know it is not likely he will always be eager to share. I wish I could hold on to it a little bit longer.

I wish I could hold on to Sam a little bit longer. I wish I could shield him from the world a little bit longer. And at the same time, pray that we have prepared him in the way he deserves.

This is what is on my heart on this night- this eve of Sam being halfway to manhood.

Lessons from Mt. Rushmore

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:03:00 +0000

Several weeks ago, rather abruptly, I decided to take the kids out of school a week early and embark upon a lengthy road trip. Jeff would fly down and meet us in Kansas at his family's place when his busiest work season was over. On the drive home, an easier journey with Jeff driving too, we had the privilege of stopping at several US landmarks, one of which was Mount Rushmore.

Driving up to the monument is an experience in itself. As you round the corner of a windy road, there it is, in plain sight. And it is breathtaking. To see the actual sculpture and it's beauty brought tears to my eyes. I loved reading the stories behind all four presidents and the reasons why their faces were chosen to grace this national monument.

I also loved reading the quotes from the sculptors and artists themselves. It was fascinating to hear many endearing stories about these men as they worked to mold one of the most visited monuments in the USA. This quote, in particular, from Gutson Borglum, impressed me:

"This is the work that I love the most, this intimate contact with the four men. As I become engrossed in the features and personality of each man, I feel myself growing in stature, just as they did when their characters grew and developed."

It occurred to me as I read that this is exactly how I want my relationship with Christ to be. Just as Mr. Borglum dug and hammered and learned about these men, I want to read the Word, pray for His will, and become engrossed in learning about Christ's character. Maybe in digging, learning, and praying, I will know Christ intimately and my life will eventually begin to imitate His. I have a long ways to go. A long, long, ways.

We heard several stories about the mistakes that were made along the way as the sculptors carved. If you look really closely, you will see big holes where chunks of stone were mistakenly chipped away. I suppose my life is a similar testimony. Even as I long to be a Christ imitator, I fail. There are big holes. Big, ugly discrepancies that I long to hide.

As I continually immerse myself in Him, I hope that the holes will become less and less visible. As I "grow in stature", I hope that when the Lord looks at me He will see mostly Himself. Like the artists longed for their sculpture to be perfect likeness to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln, I long for my life to represent the perfectness of Jesus.

I hope that when all is said and done the discrepancies will be less visible than the beauty of Christ as He lived in me.

Silas Prays

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 02:59:00 +0000

I love to hear my children pray. Love it. Sometimes, I learn something that is on their hearts that I had no idea was burdening them. Sometimes, I'm amazed at the words that come out of their mouths.

Silas, especially, seems to have a gift for "Spirit-led" prayers. Recently, when at the home of sweet friends for dinner, Silas asked if he could say the blessing before the meal. His words were, "Lord, thank you for this house that is like a home and these people who are like family." What was amazing about these words was that Jeff and I had just signed on a house about 7 blocks away from this family and one reason why we liked the house was because of it's proximity to "Uncle" Curtis and "Auntie" Bernice.

Jeff and I had struggled quite a bit with whether or not we had made the right decision in buying this particular house. But, with those words, God- through Silas- confirmed to us that this is where we are supposed to be. We are a mere seven blocks away from "these people who are like family," and it absolutely thrills me!

We move in July 17. So, we will be homeowners! Please come and visit us. It is our goal that when you visit us, the words of Silas's prayer will be true for you, as well.

Seven Days

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:38:00 +0000

Seven days. That's how long I knew I was pregnant. I tried so hard not to get too emotional or attached. But, I did. How could I not? I thought about what it would be like to be big and pregnant. It's been seven years since I was big and pregnant! I looked, ever so briefly, at tiny little clothes in the shop windows. I admired other pregnant women and their round bellies. I was tempted a time or two to buy a cute maternity outfit. But, I held off.

The two pregnancies before this one, I also lost. One to an ectopic pregnancy and one to a miscarriage. In my head, and not necessarily out loud, I thought, "Third time's a charm!" But, it was not to be.

I have pondered God and His mysterious ways the last couple of days. Why did He allow me to get pregnant and then take it away from me again? I even prayed at the beginning that I would have all the normal signs of pregnancy so that I would know. I had it all- morning sickness, sore boobs, headaches, tiredness. But, God, in His infinite wisdom that I don't understand, took it away. And I'm strangely at peace. Sad, but peaceful.

I am thankful for my living and dining room that currently smell like a flower shop because of sweet friends who knew of our loss and sent flowers. I am thankful for a dear friend that came over when she found out I was miscarrying and made dinner while we laughed and cried over a bottle of wine. I am thankful for some other precious friends who came just to visit and weren't afraid of my unshowered, unkept self. I am thankful for a friend who allowed me to vent on the phone shortly after I found out I was losing the pregnancy and knew that I didn't mean what I was saying. She just listened and encouraged- no judgment.

I am thankful for my husband. He was away on business when it all started happening and had gone on a little shopping trip for the new baby. He bought a little onesie bearing the words, "I have the world's greatest dad." How sweet is that?

I am thankful for my three children. Sam, with his amazing smile and ability to know when all that is needed is a hug. Silas, with his hilarious charm that makes me laugh, and Selah, with her sassy cuteness. I am blessed to be mom of these three here on earth.

I have given myself the weekend to grieve. I have felt the need to clean- a lot. I have spent most of the last two days in my PJ's. I turned on worship music really loud this morning and cleaned in my pajamas while everyone else was at church. It was good.

So, I will cry over the loss of this sweet little life. But, I will rest in knowing that all three of my lost babies get to listen to the sweet voice of Jesus every day!

After my ectopic pregnancy I wrote a song called "Jesus Knows Your Name." I will leave you with the words that I have tried to sing, but can't quite get through without crying yet.

I dreamed about you, thought I saw your face as I held you in my arms.
Thought I saw you breath, thought I saw you smile, and I thought I saw your beating heart.
Some may say that you never had a soul, but I know:

Jesus knows your name, the one I never got to say.
He hears every prayer, the ones I never heard you pray.
Jesus knows your name. Jesus knows your name.

I cried for you, part of me died with you, and part of me came alive again.
I wrote a song for you- wish I could sing it to you, until I remember where you've been.
No song I could sing could be as nice as the ones you hear from Jesus every night.

Jesus knows your name, the one I never got to say.
He hears every prayer, the ones I never heard you pray.
Jesus knows your name. Jesus knows your name.

Better

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 03:53:00 +0000

I am feeling better and better every day. I am starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel and am realizing that perhaps my despair was more chemical than anything else. I won't go into details about the results of my blood work, but suffice to say, I am feeling better!

The Lord has sent me some awesome outlets that I am super excited about. One of them is that I get to be a part of a praise band. For those of you who know me well, you know that I thrive on music and I am thrilled to be playing with some very talented musicians right now. We lead our first worship service this Sunday evening and I am counting down the days.

Also, tomorrow evening, Jeff's boss is keeping our kids- ALL NIGHT!!! Now if THAT isn't an amazing boss, I don't know what is! Lori has two teenage daughters and an incredible husband and they offered for us to leave our kids all weekend long. We are going to let them for one night (we don't want to overwhelm them) and are super excited to have a night alone in our own house. Hmmmm......what EVER will we do?!?!?!?

And, God has sent me some awesome and wonderful women friends that I am so thankful for. One of them is Carrie. She recently moved here from the states and I simply LOVE having someone to talk to who really "gets" it. I mean REALLY gets it.

My precious friend, Brandi, has become so dear to me. Seriously, you should read her blog. She is hilarious and deep and compassionate and....well.....there are many things I appreciate this girl. I am thankful to be sitting at her feet and learning from her Godliness.

Jeff has continued to be wonderful and supportive. I sometimes wonder how he puts up with me. But, he does. And, he will.....because that's just the kind of guy he is. How blessed am I?

So, it's not that bad. It is not that bad. Calgary is actually a pretty darn cool city. Except for housing prices. Yeah. Housing prices in Calgary are not so cool. But, we still want visitors. Even if we're living in a shack- we'll make room. I promise. And I'll cook a really good meal or two to make up for the fact that you have to sleep on the floor.

I shouldn't feel like this

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:44:00 +0000

I warned you this was going to get personal.

I am in a rut right now that I can't seem to get out of. Am I depressed? Is it seasonal effectivness disorder? Is my thyroid out of whack? Perhaps, I am just a really selfish sinner. I honestly do not know but I would love to hear from any of you who have maybe struggled with depression.

I feel like I have no right to be like this. There is no reason for me to cry all the time. There are people who have real reasons to be sad.

To top it all off, Selah just came in to my room to tell me my boobs were "looking awfully big." And, "They're not growing down, Mommy. There just going up, up, up!" (And, before you ask, no, I am not pregnant.) Sad. So so sad. I will NOT cry over this. And I might even laugh.

Should I talk to a doctor? Am I going crazy? Should I be committed? Seriously......I would love to know.

The Truth

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:27:00 +0000

I'm having a hard time here in Calgary. A very hard time. I seriously want to come home, wherever that may be, and, yet, God, for reasons unbeknownst to me, is having us stay- permanently. Yes, that's right, the Lonard's are staying in Calgary.

Any time I've ever been to a new place before, I am able to get right in there and make new friends and feel as though I have some sort of network or support group. I thought I had that for a while, but things have changed recently and I am very aware of how woefully out of place I am.

I need to be able to come to my blog and read encouraging comments right now. I need to have a little control over who is reading- Lord knows I don't have much control over anything else.

Any good thing I ever thought about myself is being challenged. I'm not sure if it's from God or the Devil himself, but I am in desperate need of encouragement.

On Saturday, I was having some quiet time and crying out to God to send me some encouragers. Low and behold, the phone rang. It was my precious and amazing friend, Jill G. She called just to say Hi. And I poured out the story- the whole story that I can't write even here on a private blog- and she encouraged. Simply encouraged me. I love her and I love when God does stuff like that.

So, this blog that has served several different purposes during the course of it's life, is changing again. I am going to be posting a little more personal things. Things I am struggling with. It may be a little too much at times for some of you. This is a pretty dark time for me. When it's too much, just don't read. It won't hurt my feelings because I won't even know!

Thank you for reading and thank you for your prayers right now!

Going Private

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 17:26:00 +0000

Hello friends. I started this blog several years ago as we began the adoption process to chronicle our journey to Selah. Along the way, it has become a scrapbook of sorts, a place for me to vent, and, now, to share about our stay here in Calgary. I have appreciated your encouragement and your thoughts, whether agreeing or disagreeing, and this has always been a place for me to come to think. My thoughts, these days, are a bit more personal and I have decided to take my blog private. If you'd like to be a part of it, send me an e-mail at erin76@juno.com and I'll send you an invitation. Thank you very much, blog friends!

My Mother-in-Law

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:23:00 +0000

February 20 is my sweet mother-in-law, Carol's, birthday. Today, I would like to honor her. Besides the fact that she is mother to my husband and obviously did an amazing job, Carol has become a cherished friend and mentor. I am so thankful for our relationship.

Carol is an amazing grandmother. My children adore her. She learned that Sam loves to play games, so she plays games with him. She learned that Silas likes to eat donuts, so she gets him donuts. She learned that Selah loves playing princesses and Carol can often be found playing pretend with her.

I appreciate the fact that Carol raised Jeff to be so hard-working and reliable. These are some of my favorite qualities in Jeff and I know they were instilled by his parents.

I take my last name very seriously. It is my desire to live up to it's heritage and the example that others who bear this name have set for me.

Thank you, Carol, for putting up with me. Thank you for Jeff. And thank you for the amazing woman that you are!

Dangerous Prayer

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 17:41:00 +0000

I want to pray a dangerous prayer.
But fear keeps me from going there.
What if I'm lead to places unknown?
Or You lead me far from the comforts of home?
What if you take me from things I hold near?
Or take from me people I hold so dear?

I'm afraid where You'll lead me
I'm afraid You won't need me
In the places that I think are best.
Though I know where You take me
You will not forsake me
Though I may be put to the test.

I want to pray a dangerous prayer
But fear keeps me from going there.
What if You lead me to enemy hands?
Or give me a message no one understands?
What if I'm with those who want nothing to do
With hearing about a Love that is true?

I'm afraid where You'll lead me
I'm afraid You won't need me
In the places that I think are best.
But I know where you take me
You will not forsake me.
Though I may be put to the test.

I want to pray a dangerous prayer.
But fear keeps me from going there.

Meal-taker

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 20:55:00 +0000

I have realized something about myself in the last few weeks. And I am sharing with you because I am curious if any of you are fellow "meal-takers."

What I mean is this: I am a "meal- taker." When I don't know what to do or say to someone, I take them a meal. I have organized several "meal-taking events" for different families and it may seem like a sweet and selfless thing to do. However, I have come to see it as somewhat selfish and a weakness of mine.

I'd like to be one of those people that has loads of wisdom to bestow on my fellow sister or brother who is grieving or having a rough go of it. I'd like to be the one who can just show up and make someone laugh with all my charm and wittiness. I wish I was the one who could sit and listen- really really listen to someone who needed a shoulder to cry on.

But, I'm awkward sometimes. I don't know what to say. I'm only funny to a certain few who know me well. And I really only take the time to listen when it's convenient for me.

Most of the time, it's easy to cook a meal, though. It's easy to cook a little extra for someone when I'm cooking for my own family anyway. It's convenient to send out an e-mail asking for others to do the same.

Recently, there have been some who have said, "You are so sweet, Erin, to do this for us." And I smile and say, "It was nothing, really." But, what I don't think they understand is that it really WAS nothing. It was the easy thing to do. It was the only thing I knew to do.

I'm not saying that being a "meal-taker" is a bad thing, by any means. I will probably continue to be a "meal taker." But, I deeply admire and respect those who don't need to be "meal-takers" because they know that just being there is enough, even if they are empty-handed. How I long to be one of you!

Someday, I will be one of you. I will be the one who knows just what to say or when not to speak at all. But, for now until I learn better, I will be the "meal-taker."

Long overdue

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 04:07:00 +0000

We had the blessing of travelling to Cabo, Mexico the week after Christmas. After the long, cold winter last year here in Calgary, we realized how nice it would be to break it up a bit. My parents, who have a time share that can be exchanged for foreign destinations, agreed to help us find a place to go and our only criteria was that it was some place warm and sunny. Cabo was where we ended up and my parents met us there. It was a fabulous vacation and we are indebted to Mom and Dad for making it possible!

This is the property where we stayed- The Wyndham's Coral Baja. It was beautiful and every room had a view of the ocean.

Here is a view of the ocean, but this picture surely does it no justice. It was the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. The water was blue and clear and the sand was white and clean. It was heavenly to walk barefooted through the sand.

We had a lot of fun in the pool. We managed to prevent any sunburns, but Selah still got major tan lines in spite of the fact that I slathered sunscreen on her every day. I wish I had her skin!

Many hours were spent building castles in the sand. The kids had so much fun!

My parents brought a 3D movie to watch with the kids. They were really cute all cuddled up on the couch.

One of the best things we did was go on a sunset "pirate ship" cruise. The boys got pirate headbands and said, "Argh!" a lot. A bonus of the cruise was that a mama whale and her baby came up within 10 meters of our boat. We got to see their tales! I got a couple of pictures but they didn't turn out so well.

My parents kept the kids one night while Jeff and I went out to dinner. A mariachi band played a romantic song for us in Spanish. We didn't understand the words, but it was a gorgeous song!

The boys, Jeff, and I went on a special boat ride while Selah stayed with Nana and Pop. We went across the bay and explored "Lover's Beach," which is only accessible by boat. The boys had such a great time climbing rocks and splashing in the waves.

Selah sure had a good time with her Nana and Pop!

And here is our family beach picture that my dad took with his new camera. He did a pretty good job, don't you think?

There is much going on in our family as we work to fulfill New Year's Resolutions and think about what this year may hold for our family. We have some big decisions to make as this is supposed to be our last year here in Calgary. We are praying about where God wants us next and excited about all the possibilities.

No matter where we end up or what we do, we know that Lord has been so good to us here in Calgary. Canada has grown in our hearts and it is gut wrenching to think about leaving. Who knows where we will end up????? Stay tuned........

Weekend with the sisters

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 23:54:00 +0000

I had the blessing of being with my sisters a few weeks ago. My younger sister, Amanda, and I flew to San Antonio and completely surprised our oldest sister, Amy, for her birthday. Keeping it a surprise was, in itself, quite an accomplishment as we are not exactly known for our secret keeping skills.

It's difficult to express in words what my sisters have come to mean to me over the years. Simply put, I love 'em. I love what great wives they are. I love what amazing mothers they are. And I love what Godly women they are. Here are a few pics of our weekend together:

Amy in all her glory. (Come on, Amy, you knew I HAD to post it.)

My gorgeous sisters Amanda and Amy

Amanda and me

The three sisters

Blogging Blues

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:29:00 +0000

I have thought about many posts I want to write lately. The problem has been finding the time to write them and write them well. I've started several posts but have struggled with exactly what it is I want to say. Some of the topics are serious and some are more light hearted.

Here are a few things I have wanted to write about:

-The election and how I deeply struggled with who to vote for and how I hated that even Christians were so divided over who should be our next president.

-How my younger sister and I pulled off a huge surprise for my older sister's birthday by showing up on her doorstep in San Antonio. (MUCH fun and shopping and delicious food!!!)

-Selah's refusal to poop in the potty.

-How one of Sam's dearest friends is from Pakistan and the amazing conversations we have had with Sam following the attacks in Mumbai. (Sam has decided the peace begins with Taja and him!)

-The formal Christmas Gala our family was invited to and my fears about my children behaving themselves at an event where our table cost more than our monthly house rent.

-How I love being a mama.

-How I want to simplify every aspect of my life.

-How I laughed and laughed over a verse I found in the Bible last week about a woman who was very emotional and how she ate and felt better. (How I can relate!)

-My struggle to maintain my weight after working so hard to lose it.

There is much going on in our family right now. I want to thank all of you who still read and check up on us. I am sorry for my lack of posts. Maybe my New Year's Resolution will be to blog more. Maybe not. I don't know! But, for now, Happy Holidays!

Conversations with Silas

noreply@blogger.com (erinlo) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:29:00 +0000

Silas: Mom, I think I know what I want to be when I grow up.

Me: Oh, really? What's that?

Silas: A policeman.

Me: That sounds great! What made you decide you wanted to be a policeman?

Silas: Well, policemen get to eat donuts every day!

Later on in the week as we are driving along enjoying the silence.........

Silas: Mom, I'd sure hate to try and plant a tree if I didn't have any arms. That'd be tough. REALLY tough. Glad I don't have to do that. Aren't you glad, too, Mom?

Me: Um.......(trying not to burst out laughing).....yep, Silas. I'm glad, too. Really glad I don't have to plant a tree with no arms.

How could you not love this kid? Thank you, Lord, for children who make us laugh!