Erinlo

This is my daughter......

2012-01-25T19:16:00.000-08:00

Rocking out to U2. In her pajamas. With fairy wings on. Man, I love this kid.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, and happy new year!

I'm quite embarrassed over what little attention this blog has received in recent months. But, I gotta tell ya, this has been one of the busiest seasons of our lives! It seems the older our kids get, the more complicated things become. Our awesome kids, Jeff's work, and the fact that I returned to school has made for an exciting, but busy, semester.

There are many times when I think,"I should totally blog about that!" But, I don't.

I want to thank all of you who continue to be so sweet about sending us Christmas cards even when it is not returned. I soooo want to! We love catching up on your families and seeing how children have grown and reading about how your lives are changing. We feel blessed beyond words to have so many amazing friends from every place we've ever lived.

Some of you who sent cards have also been to see us this year! Our house has been joyfully full and we have loved seeing so many old friends. Colorado, apparently, is quite the vacation destination, and we totally understand why. This place is awesome and we love living here. The house we ended up buying happens to have an apartment in the basement and we prayed that God would allow us to use it. We think He's given us some great opportunities to do so! If you are a friend that hasn't been here (or if you have been here), know that our home is open to you anytime!

Our living room on Christmas Eve.

Our kids are growing like crazy and changing fast. Sam is 11 now. What?!?! He is quick to remind us that he is a "pre- teen." One day I was the coolest mom ever, and the next, not so much. Sam adores his Daddy and Jeff can do no wrong. I'm OK with this because I think his dad is pretty cool, too. Sam recently wrote a paper for school about his hero. It was all about Jeff. It's one we will save forever. Sam is a thinker and asks hard questions. There's been some very deep questions lately- questions Jeff and I do not feel we are qualified to answer. Perhaps, Sam will turn those questions into songs since he is now in his very own band- "Mustash Cash Stash." They performed in the school talent show. They were amazing. To me.

The one and only "Mustache Cash Stash"

Silas still has big blue eyes that take up half his face and we still get comments from teachers and authority figures about how hard it is to discipline him when his eyes fill up with tears. I get it. Silas has a heart for people and is drawn to those who are hurting. He is a faithful, loyal friend. He is also, what we refer to, as our "random child." He says the most random, hilarious things that leave us in stitches. We've been having to have many talks with the boys about girls and how are bodies work and all that. We came across a poster with a girl in a bikini that was advertising a car or something like that. Always looking for teachable moments, I asked the boys why they thought that girl was dressed that way and had that look on her face. Silas looked at me with a "duh, mom" look on his face and said,"Because she hands out trophies, of course!" Needless to say, Silas will probably never live that one down.

Sam and Silas- Man, they look so grown up to me!

Selah- oh, my Selah. My heart swells when I think about this girl, not flesh of my flesh, but who is my heart. The joy she brings to us can't be described. I am forever indebted and grateful to her birth parents who allowed us to parent her. She is exquisitely beautiful. She is thoughtful, witty, and, most importantly- artistic. The girl is rarely seen without a pen and paper in hand. I have dozens of notes from Selah telling me how much she loves me. We have hundreds of drawings and paintings laying around the house, each one showing more and more detail. For Christmas this year, her gift was an art room- a big closet under the stairs that we transformed into a creative space for Selah to do what she does most often- art. She, also, makes us laugh with her quick responses. The other day, we sat around the table talking about childhood memories and Jeff mentioned how much he used to hate going to the fabric store with his mother as a child. Selah piped up and said, "Because it smells like old lady."

Selah and her art room, her big Christmas gift that she LOVES!

Selah and her Daddy who she LOVES!

And mama LOVES, also!

I suppose the biggest thing going on in my life is my return to college to become a nurse. For so many years, I have told myself I was not smart enough. But, I am proving to myself otherwise. College is so different as an adult and I appreciate the opportunity to learn so much more than I did when I was younger. I love what I am learning and really look forward to being a real nurse some day. I continue to love being a mama and am so proud of each of my kids and love the honor of being Jeff's wife. I have been blessed, once again, with some amazing friendships- from our church and also in our neighborhood.

My very favorite Christmas gift from a preteen who I didn't think liked me anymore.

It's hard to condense our year into a few paragraphs and I fear I have already written too much! If you have made it this far, bless you. Thank you for being our friends and loving us and our kids over the years. As I look on our "Christmas card wall" and see faces of friends old and new, I am reminded of how truly blessed we are.

We were close.

2011-09-11T20:15:00.000-07:00

I've never blogged about 9/11. It is still raw.

We lived 2 miles from the Pentagon, in a tiny apartment that we loved. We didn't love it as much that day.

We smelled the smoke. We heard the sirens. We saw the rescue personnel.

In the parking lot of our little apartment complex was the closest Red Cross Headquarters.

I took brownies. I didn't know what else to do. So, I baked. I delivered them with baby Sam on my back. I cried. The dirty, tired firemen cried. And, they made me feel like I had contributed something although I know it was nothing.

I have not watched any of the 9/11 movies. I have read none of the books. It is still raw.

Jeff and I sat around the table long after dinner was over this evening and cried.

And, we did all we know to do besides bake brownies. We remembered.

Quick Update

2011-08-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

Bad, bad blogger, I know.

Our house is a bit crazy right now. Here are a few things going on around here:
-We have our first Lo family broken bone(s)! Sam broke his hand on Sunday and a visit to the hand surgeon is happening today. (We are blessed that one of our neighbors is a hand surgeon and hooked us up!) I wish it were a great story, but, alas, it is not and I will let Sam tell in his own words.

-Today is my birthday! Guess how I get to celebrate? Why, by taking Sam to the hand surgeon, of course!

-I got a new tattoo to commemorate being halfway to 70. I'll share a pic and the story later. (I'm sorry, Teri. I had some time and just decided to get er done.)

-For the first time since we lived in Canada and our kids attended the best schools ever, I feel very at peace with the schools and teachers our kids are going to/ getting. Thank you, Lord!

-We have the best kids ever. I can not express enough how proud of them I am, in spite of how much we screw up as parents!

-I have the best husband ever. Seriously,I do.

-I am now a college student. Since all of the kids will now be in school full days for the first time in 11 years, I made the decision to finish school. Hopefully, in a few years I will be Erin, BSN, RN. We'll see how it goes.

-Our dear friend, Curtis, from Calgary, came to see us this past weekend. It was a blessed time. How we love that man and his wife, Bernice, who we missed dearly.

-We are coming up on our five year 'Gotcha Day' with Selah. Really?!?!? Has it been that long? Has it been that short?!?!? That girl is so much a part of our lives we can not imagine/ remember life before her.

There is much more that I know I am forgetting, but I mostly wanted you to know we are alive and well, in spite of a few broken bones.

Stinky Cheese

2011-07-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight, the boys are sleeping huddled together in Selah's double bed. Why? This afternoon, they made the unfortunate (purposeful) mistake of putting a piece of stinky cheese between her sheets. (Her room reeks.) Selah is resting comfortably in the boy's non-stinky room.

We are officially "the worst parents ever."

Crossfit and Marriage

2011-07-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

At the trailhead of Mount Sherman- before the climb

Jeff and I climbed a "14-er" (translation: a mountain that is 14,000 feet +) on Monday. Just the two of us. Jeff was kind enough to inform me that one year ago he would not have asked me to do that with him because he knew I never would have been able to do it. Not this year. I am one sleek, muscle packed mama.

Why, you ask? What has changed in me this last year? The answer would be: Crossfit. It is a ridiculously hard, amazing, gratifying, intense way to work out. If you've never heard of it and are looking to better yourself, I beg you, look into it. It will change you.

It changed me. I realized that the key to working hard has a lot to do with my mind. In the middle of a WOD (workout of the day), my muscles can be aching, my heart pounding, my stomach threatening to give up it's contents, and, somehow, if I just keep focused and stay the course, I can finish.

It reminds me a lot of marriage, actually. Jeff and I struggle sometimes. It's really not that bad. But, we have rocky patches now and then. Sometimes, in the middle of a bad time, my head aches, my heart pounds, my stomach churns and threatens to give up it's contents, and I wonder why we got married in the first place. But, somehow, if we keep focused and stay the course, we get through it.

When I'm finished with a WOD and think about what I've just accomplished, it is pretty gratifying. I've started to see the results in my body. My muscle tone has increased, I can lift more weight, and I feel better than I have maybe in my whole life.

When Jeff and I get through a hard time and I think about what we've accomplished, it's pretty gratifying. We see how our hearts are changed. Our character builds, our integrity grows, and it feels good that we stuck with it.

That mountain we climbed on Monday, it wasn't just a physical mountain. It was a bit spiritual for us. You see, we've been having one of those hard times. Nothing major, but we just had a big valley to walk through. And, then we had a big mountain to climb.

At the top of Mount Sherman

Because of Crossfit, I was able to climb it. I loved every moment. I loved hearing my heart pound and breathing the thin air. I loved that the climb was slow, but steady. I loved the conversation (between catching our breath) on the way up and, then, the way down.

I love Crossfit. I love that it gave me the stamina to climb a mountain that I didn't just want to climb, but I needed to climb. With Jeff.

Mostly, I love Jeff. I love being married to him. And I love that we got to climb a 14-er together. I'm sure it won't be the last metaphorical 14-er and I sure hope it's not the last physical one, either.

Pray for rain....lots of it.

2011-06-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

For the second time in the last ten years, my home town of Los Alamos, New Mexico, is being evacuated due to a major fire. Last time around hundreds of homes burned to the ground, many just two blocks away from the house I grew up in.
Here is an e-mail I received from some sweet friends who are presently evacuating:
We have been through this before, and the good thing about it is it really puts the proper things in focus front and center-- God and our family. We are at peace and trusting God. He is so good, and is caring for us. We are taking with us the 6 "P's --people, pets, prescriptions, papers, pictures, and personal computers. And most importantly, the PEACE of God and PRAYER.
Jeff and I thought we might someday retire in LA. That is how much we love this town.
I seriously love you, friends in Los Alamos!!!! Praying for rain and lots of it.

Who are you?

2011-06-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

Every time I look at this blog I feel a bit guilty. I have not done an awesome job maintaining it recently. One of the reasons is that I get a bit overwhelmed at the number of subjects I post on. I have posted on our adoption, my kids, my husband, our numerous moves, crossfit and paleo (which are still a big part of my life), and, most recently, my music.

So, as I watch the blog traffic here, I wonder, who are you? Where are you from? Why do you read? PLEASE post a quick comment and let me know. I would love to hear from you!

A song about how hard marriage can be.

2011-05-18T06:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, in the middle of a rough patch in our marriage (because they happen), I wonder what on earth we are doing and why we thought getting married and having babies was a good idea. My friend, Sue, once said, "Well, it may not be an easy road, but at least you're on the road."

We get to the other side of the rough patch and I think, "Woohoo! We made it!" And, my appreciation for my husband and the sanctity of marriage increases.

This is kind of a sad song. It's deeply personal. I hope it will encourage you, even in the midst of stormy waters, to tough it out. Marriage is work- lots of work. And sometimes, all you can say is that you're on the road, even if it's not pretty.

The Road by Erinlo

The Salad Song

2011-05-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

The following is based on a true story. I know.....sad.

The Salad Song by Erinlo

So, what stupid things have you and your spouse fought over? So far, I've heard things like "a box of Triscuits" and "which side of the sink one should wash the dishes on."

I'm curious to hear which of my friends will have the dumbest one. Maybe we could even take a vote.

Radio

2011-05-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

I met a really neat lady a month or two ago. I was singing at a ladies event and she was the speaker. She's a radio talk show host. Her name is Stephanie Riggs and I instantly fell in love with her heart for God.

When I finished singing my first song, she said, "Erin- you have to come on my show!" I was excited, but didn't really think it would happen.

Well, it's happening. Tomorrow. (May 11) I have NO IDEA how long I will be on. I may make such a fool of myself that she will take my mic away! She's going to play some things that I've pre-recorded. Um.....SO EXCITED!!!!!

I know we're all super busy, but in case you want to listen from 2:00- 3:00 mountain time (we're in the same time zone, friends in Canada!) here's the link: www.947krks.com.

The one thing I wanted for Mother's Day.....

2011-05-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

I didn't get. My kids asked me what I wanted and I told them in complete truthfulness, "All I want is a peaceful day. I don't want to break up any fights and I don't want to settle any arguments. I don't want any of you to annoy another one and I don't want any whining."

"Okay, Mommy. We can do that!" they replied.

Five whole minutes after everyone awoke, the fighting began. Someone looked at someone funny. Then, someone called someone a name. Then, someone else stood up for the someone that called a name. And it was all down hill from there.

All day, I've been thinking to myself, "I'm a failure, Lord. You've entrusted me with these amazing children and I can not even make them get along."

But, then this happened:

In case you can't read that, it says, "10 bucks for a car wash. Raising money for Hadey (Haiti). Call now. Starting next Saturday."

Silas made a plan. And, then he made a sign. And, then, he practiced "washing" our van. We've been talking in our family about raising money for a water system that will be installed at an orphanage in Haiti. We had hoped the kids would want to be involved, but didn't want to force the issue because we wanted it to truly affect their hearts.

I guess I feel like maybe I did SOMETHING right. Sam will help Silas make signs and wash cars. Selah will be the "towel girl." (whatever that is) And Jeff and I will sit back and beam.

Because, in spite of all the fighting and fussing today, maybe.....just maybe.....I'm doing something right.

I recorded for real.

2011-05-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

Odd. by Erinlo

Odd.

2011-04-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

And I thought it was weird just to hear myself sing. It's really weird to hear AND watch it. Thanks to Caroline Cobb Smith, an extremely talented musician who inspires me every time I listen to her, for giving me the idea to video one of my songs.

I think I'll call it "Odd" and it was inspired by a series I had the privilege of hearing Rick Atchley speak on a few weeks ago.

There was a girl I once knew back in high school.
She was made fun of some of the time.
She'd offer to pray with me if I'd had a bad day.
She wasn't afraid to say if someone was out of line.
And I wonder if she ever felt rejected.
But in the end I think she was respected.
I asked her how she went against the crowd.
This is what she had to say:

If I'm odd, it's because I love God.
And if I am strange let it be because I bear His name.
Jesus lives in me so I oughta live differently,
So if I'm odd let me be odd because I love God.

That same girl packed up all her things and moved to Africa,
She built a house and lived off the land.
She took in babies and ladies who'd been outcasted.
And no one who lived near by could really understand.
Why a girl would take in the rejected.
But, pretty soon she became respected.
And they asked her why she'd given up her life.
This is what she had to say:

She said if I'm odd, it's because I love God.
And if I am strange let it be because I bear His name.
Jesus lives in me so I oughta live differently.
So if I'm odd let me be odd because I love God.

Now me, myself, I live here in this neighborhood.
With 2.5 kids a husband and a dog.
And I wonder if I am blending in just a little too much.
But, I'm praying. Oh, I've been praying that.....
my neighbors think I'm odd.

I want to be odd because I love God.
And if I am strange let it be because I bear His name.
Jesus lives in me so I oughta live differently,
So if I'm odd, let me be odd because I love God.
If I'm odd let me be odd because I love you, God.

Crazy people are texting your children

2011-04-14T16:08:00.000-07:00

Sam has a friend. We'll call him Ben. Ben and Sam were on the bus together. Ben was messing with his phone when he got a text. Ben opened up the text and, low and behold, it was a picture of a man's "parts" painted in a rather festive manner.

Ben was disgusted and showed Sam who was also disgusted. Thankfully, Sam did the right thing and immediately told us about it. We made sure that Ben's parents were also told. Ben had already showed his parents.

I am so proud of these boys for telling their parents right away. I am, however, incredibly disgusted that a piece of my child's innocence was stolen by an idiot who thought it was a swell idea to send a festive picture to everyone in his address book, including the numbers that were old, had been disconnected, and re-connected as the phone number of an 11 year old boy.

I don't know what age is appropriate to allow a child to get a cell phone. We recently purchased a very simple model for our boys. They are not allowed to take it to school, but we send it with them when they are playing with friends or going on a bike ride by themselves.

We're just not sure how to completely protect them from crazy people who might get a hold of their number. We have placed a new rule on the phone that they are simply not allowed to answer or open any calls or texts coming from a number they do not recognize.

I would love to hear from some of you who may have ideas on how we can protect our kids from this stuff.....or can we??????

My Girl

2011-04-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

The girl turned six a couple of weeks ago. I know, where did the time go, right? My heart simply bursts with love for Selah. She is everything and more I could have ever asked for or wanted in a daughter. I'm not sure why I've been so blessed.

Last month, Selah flew with me to San Antonio to be with my Uncle Brian as he died. She was pure joy the entire time and brought smiles to everyone's faces during a very tough time. At one point, shortly after he died, Selah asked if we would have a funeral for Brian. I said, "Yes, honey, we will have a funeral." Selah said, "Well, I sure hope he invites us." If Brian heard that conversation, I'm pretty sure he was rolling with laughter. As was the rest of the family!

I still forget that she looks different than us when people ask us about her. She is not our "adopted" daughter. She is simply our daughter.

She is spunky and girly and dainty, but, watch out! The girl can hold her own and WILL hold her own if she needs to. The boys don't mess with her too often.

I have been feeling a bit uninspired as far as this blog is concerned, but as I was thinking about my children this morning, I suddenly found a burst of inspiration. It's funny how kids will do that to you. I am so thankful to be the mama to three amazing kids.

Dry Spell

2011-03-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

I'm finding it difficult to think of subjects worthy of blogging lately. I've thought of a few and even written a few, but quickly deleted them.

I'm struggling with several things recently and feel as though my life, in general, is a bit of a desert at the moment. Dry.

I love my children and husband. I love the Lord. (And I'm still mostly Paleo!)

One of the downfalls in having a public blog is that there are so many things I can't write about, for fear of offending certain ones who read. If I could control my readership there is so much more I would say!

I want to be real and transparent. I think that is a gift God has given me. But, I can't be completely real to everyone. So, I'm struggling with this blog. It' been a part of my life for over six years! I'm not quite ready to say, "Good-bye."

I just want to say thanks for reading. I have read through past posts recently and been so encouraged by the number of sweet comments I've received over the years. Whether you were commenting on our adoption, or one of my rants, or one of my silly questions, the discussion was good and thought provoking. Thanks for that.

I'm not sure where this blog will go or if it will continue. In th meantime, thanks for being my friend. Whether I know you personally or through "blogland", you have blessed me and I have learned from every one of you.

Saying Bye to "B"

2011-03-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

There was an uncle. He was the young, cool, hip uncle that all the nieces and nephews wanted to hang out with. His name was Brian, but affectionately became known as "B". He was a bit wild, a little crazy, and extremely endearing.

He lived a different lifestyle than most of us. He was a musician. He was a song writer. He wasn't famous, at least to most people. But, he was famous in the town he lived in and to those who loved him. He loved his tiny cabin on a plot of land he saved for years to buy.

He had some girlfriends over the years, but only one stole his heart. They were married a couple of years before she realized that B would never be the B she hoped she could change him to be. But, oh, how she loved who B was.

We all loved who B was. For, our Uncle B was filled with love. He never pretended to be something he wasn't, he was simply B. And, simply put, he was easy to love.

To my mother and aunt and uncle, he was a loyal brother. He was their baby brother, eleven years younger than the oldest. To my grandma, just her baby.

To his nieces and nephews, he was the cool young uncle. He took us to gigs. He made us get up and sing with him. He told us we were good. And we knew he loved us.

Mid-January of this year, B was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer at the age of 49. Although we're all pretty certain he wanted to die alone, God knew best. God knew B needed us and we needed him in the last hours of his life.

True to the legacy of B,our family pulled together for one of the most evident displays of love I have ever witnessed. As we gathered around his bed and sang songs that we weren't sure he could hear, the tears flowed. The "children" watched as our parents cried and spoke words like, "I'm proud to be your sister," and, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you more". Broken. All of us.

But, it was through our brokenness that long needed conversations were spoken. Apprehensive "side" hugs became big engulfing hugs. Laughter- deep laughter. Tears- from deep grief. All of it beautiful.

The memorial service was not in a church, but rather by the river. A "BYOLC" it was. (bring your own lawn chair) B's friends came. For some of them, the service was also BYOB and that was OK.

My dad wore a t-shirt, jeans, and sandals and spoke a beautiful, quick message about how well B loved people and how God is love so B, in turn, was filled with God. There was a few "Amen's", but more "Right On's!" And that was OK. There were memories shared and songs sung, but mostly there was love. So, in turn, there was God.

(First picture of B and my mom, courtesy of my sister, Amanda. The rest of the photos are courtesy of my very talented cousin, Teri.)

Still Paleo-ing

2011-03-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been a horrible blogger. I am still doing Paleo (although I'm allowing myself to "cheat" now and then) and I still feel better than I have in a really long time. I am Crossfitting at least 3 times a week, but trying for five. I am seeing results, not in my weight, but in my strength and pant size.

One of the things that I realize I spend too much time worrying about is the scale. When you're working really hard and eating so well, you want to see the numbers on that scale go down! But, when you're building muscle along side of eating well, the scale does not always go down quickly. So, I'm going by pant size and how my clothes feel. I'm almost down two pant sizes!

Someday, I will show my "before" pictures. They are NOT pretty. I will only show them, however, when I have some awesome "after" pictures. And I'm not quite there yet.

I saw two people today who I haven't seen in a while. Both asked me what I was doing to lose so much weight. I told them that I, technically, hadn't really lost that much and went on to talk about Paleo. It feels good when people notice.

In other news, I can now kick Jeff's rear. So, he's been extra nice to me! Love that boy.

Something kind of silly.

2011-02-22T07:08:00.000-08:00

So, a few weeks ago, I was reading some Paleo blogs and ran across a little poem writing contest. Well, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write a poem about our new found life style!

You can read it and the results here.

There is such a thing as a good fat.

2011-02-17T12:22:00.000-08:00

Before I begin this post, I want to thank all of you who commented on my last post. I had a couple of "bad mommy" days and I was pretty ticked at myself. I'm over it. Jeff's over it. And, thankfully, I'm pretty sure the kids are over it. (Based on the sweet "I love you, Mommy" Valentines' cards I got!)

SO- on to the really good stuff. I have had a few phone calls and e-mails from several of you who are either starting or thinking about starting Paleo. I want to tell you about a REALLY important part I am just discovering. It has to do with essential fatty acids, or EFA's. So many times we hear the word "fat" and automatically think "bad."

(A little side note here: I have never been a big vitamin taker except when my mother made me. I always thought that people who take lots of vitamins were a little weird. But, I'm reading more and learning more and it's making sense. But, please, don't take my word for it- do your own research!)

Wikipedia describes EFA's like this: Essential fatty acids, or EFAs, are fatty acids that humans and other animals must ingest because the body requires them for good health but cannot synthesize them. The term "essential fatty acid" refers to fatty acids required for biological processes, and not those that act only as fuel.

Did you read that first sentence? Humans MUST ingest EFA's because the body requires them for good health. So, where do we get EFA's that our bodies can "synthesize", you ask? I'm sure you've heard of "Omega 3" and "Omega 6". Much of Omega 3's are found in wild caught fish. They are also found in flax and fish oil.

WHY are essential fatty acids essential? What do they really do for us? Well, consider this: The corpus callosum (the middle section of the brain that connects the right and left hemisphere) is largely made up of EFA's. If the left and right hemispheres of the brain are not properly communicating because the middle part is not healthy, a lot of bad stuff can happen. Look at this list of ailments that have been linked to low EFA's:

Diabetes

Rheumatoid arthritis

Osteoporosis

Depression

Bipolar disorder

Schizophrenia

Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

Skin disorders

Inflammatory bowel disease

Asthma

Menstrual pain

Besides researching the benefits of EFA's for my own personal health, we have recently been studying it in regards to one of our children who suffers from learning "differences." We were never convinced that he had full on ADD and were not willing to medicate until we knew for sure. Turns out, that many of his focusing and processing issues are probably related to low essential fatty acids.

Because I know that we are not eating enough fish, our family has begun a daily fish oil regimen. I know, I know. You've heard how it tastes so nasty. You've heard you have to take a big ol' horse pill. NOT SO! Let me tell you about a wonderful product we discovered. It is called Barlean's Omega Swirl. There are several yummy flavors, but we are trying the lemon zest right now. It totally tastes like lemon pudding! And, if you are on Paleo, it can seriously be dessert it tastes so sweet!

We have already noticed subtle differences on our child who has been struggling in school. He is able to focus a little bit better and is not quite as impulsive. I am looking forward to seeing the results in a few months!

I am also anxious to see what it will do for me. I have already been in a better mood due to Paleo and not having sugar swings, but what difference will this make?? I will keep you updated.

Until then, whether or not you are doing the Paleo lifestyle, get some fish or flax oil and don't be put off by the word "fat." Not all fats are bad. In fact, as it turns out, some fats are essential.

On being a mama

2011-02-08T19:44:00.000-08:00

I've had a couple of "mama"days where I wonder why on earth the Lord entrusted me with these three precious children. I'm pretty sure that "screw up" is written across my forehead right now. (And not even eating Paleo has made it better!) I was just wondering how some of you other mamas get through times like this? Any advice or words of wisdom?

Top 5 Reasons I'm Still Doing Paleo

2011-01-31T16:43:00.000-08:00

Today is day 31. For 31 days I have been dairy free, legume free, starch free, wheat free, (refined) sugar free, and processed- foods free. I have eaten only meat, fish, nuts, eggs, vegetables, and fruit.

I will not deny that the first week was hellish. I have come to realize that (refined) sugar is like a drug. If you go cold turkey coming off of it, do expect some discomfort. But, it is so worth it.

Here are the top 5 reasons why I'm going to continue Paleo:

1. I am NEVER hungry. So many fad diets are about practically starving yourself. I do not count calories and I do not worry about how much I'm eating. When I'm hungry, I eat. I just make sure what I eat sticks with the Paleo plan.

2. I never get bored with the food. There are SO many amazing recipes out there. Simply google "Paleo recipes" and you will be shocked at the number of creative people out there who are also living Paleo and sharing their recipes.

3. Paleo is family friendly. I have come to realize that the whole family, kids included, can do this. Yes, it requires some creativity and planning, but it is so satisfying to watch your children enjoy healthy foods.

4. I am losing inches. I have not lost a ton of weight. But, eating Paleo, along with a Crossfit WOD at least 3 times a week, well, let's just say that Jeff may be springing for a new wardrobe pretty soon.

5. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON AND THAT'S WHY I'M YELLING!!! I FEEL BETTER THAN I HAVE IN YEARS! I have more energy. I am not sluggish during the day. I do not feel the need to take a nap everyday like I used to. I have blogged several times about my struggle with depression. Mentally, I am alert and consistent in a way that I'm not sure I ever have been. I am no expert, but I wonder if sugary, processed foods contribute to a person's mental health?

If you are thinking about going Paleo, I just want to encourage you to go for it. Throw out the junk in your pantry. Go to the grocery store and spend some time savoring the produce and meat section. Start experimenting and see what delicious recipes you can come up with. Give it one month. Just one month.

If you decide to give it a go, let me know!

Jeff's Spicy Thai Carrot Soup

2011-01-25T16:34:00.000-08:00

I love Sunday nights. Jeff usually cooks on Sunday nights. And, that's why I love Sunday nights! I usually sit and watch him. Pre- Paleo days I would sip on a glass of wine and admire his amazing body and the way he moves so proficiently in the kitchen. This past Sunday night, however, I sipped on hot peppermint tea. But, I still admired his amazing body.

One of his specialties is carrot soup and beer bread. It is awesome on a cold winter evening. But, the soup has heavy whipping cream in it (I'm not eating dairy) and I certainly can't eat beer bread! So, he decided to mix it up a little. Here's what he came up with:

2 or 3 tablespoons of olive oil

1.5 lbs. carrots peeled and cut up

1/2 yellow onion

2 cloves of garlic

1 box of chicken broth

1/4 cup full fat coconut milk (found in the Asian food section)

1 Tablespoon of chili paste (more if you like it super spicy!)

spices to taste- salt, pepper, cumin, chili powder

Heat the oil in a frying pan. Chop 1 carrot, the onion, and the garlic very finely and throw it in the oil. Simmer until the onions are translucent. Then add the broth and the rest of the carrots. Cook until carrots are fairly soft- about 20 minutes. In a blender, blend about 2 cups at a time until smooth, being VERY careful not to pop the lid of the blender off. (I've done this before with hot soup and it can be really dangerous!! Blend small amounts at a time.) Once it's all blended and smooth, add the coconut milk, the chili paste and the rest of the spices to taste.

Oh my word, ya'll. This soup was REALLY good. I love really spicy foods, too, because it forces you to eat more slowly and savor what you're eating.

Ok, so maybe it doesn't look the best, but, I promise, it tastes delicious and is worth the 30 minutes it takes to cook!

Pei- Wei Style Chicken Lettuce Wraps

2011-01-21T10:34:00.000-08:00

I am the first to confess that not all of my "experiments" in the kitchen turn out well. They just don't. But, unfortunately for my family, I still make them eat it.

Yesterday, however, dinner was a huge hit! Company worthy, even. I had a hankering for something Asian- spicy- crunchy and I remembered these lettuce wraps I had at Pei-Wei a while ago. Now, I made up my own recipe, but then searched online and found Paleo lettuce wraps all over the place! (There are probably some recipes better than mine so look around!) Apparently, I'm not as original as I thought! But, these really were yummy.

I marinated chicken breasts in a combination of Tamari (wheat free soy sauce) and a bit of maple syrup. (Each side for about an hour). I cooked the chicken on the stove top in a pan with a little olive oil and then shredded the chicken.

I chopped up a bunch of veggies I found in my fridge (cabbage, cucumbers, carrots, and green onion) and made a Thai style "peanut" sauce, except I used almond butter. The sauce turned out wonderfully! (I just added almond butter, olive oil, honey, and Tamari sauce until it tasted good to me.)

I have to tell you about the lettuce I found to wrap them in. I had never seen it until this week and, although it's not organic, it is awesome! It's a cross between iceberg and romaine lettuce and was perfect for making wraps. I've also used them to make "sandwiches." (I wrap a slice of deli meat and some avocado in it and dip it in dijon mustard...yum!) I also love the convenience of pre-washed lettuce. (Jeff once called me lazy for not buying the cheaper lettuce that you wash yourself.) But, this is one shortcut I don't feel guilty about making. For some reason, I am terrible at washing lettuce- it always ends up soggy and gross.

(I apologize for being so completely computer illiterate that I can not figure out how to rotate this pic.)

This meal was a huge hit with the fam. And, guess who gets to eat the leftovers for lunch? ME!

I will leave you with a picture of my newest baby. I am very excited to have found a great deal on a gorgeous piano at an estate sale. It was delivered yesterday. Needless to say (if you know me at all) there has been a LOT of jamming going on in the Lo house. LOVING it!

More on Paleo

2011-01-19T11:37:00.000-08:00

I told ya'll I was excited about this Paleo stuff, and I wasn't kidding! When was the last time I blogged twice in two days?!?! Thanks so much for reading. It really means a lot to me. I really want to share what I've been learning!

So, the biggest reason why I decided to try Paleo was that I felt like crap most of the time and I knew it probably had to do with what I was eating. I was tired and had hardly any energy, not to mention moody and emotional. When I started Crossfit, I heard whisperings of "Paleo" and "Zone" and "Gluten-Free", but I didn't think too much about it because I didn't think I could do it. I have zero discipline when it comes to food. I love food! I love cooking! I love feeding my family and friends! If I did any of these, I would have to sacrifice all that wonderful food, right??

Well, what I've learned is that you really don't have to sacrifice food at all! In fact, you get to try new recipes and combinations and mix meat and fruit and veggies and see what you come up with. And, you never go hungry. If I'm feeling the least bit tempted by sweets, I grab a handful of almonds which almost always satisfies my sweet tooth. (I carry a bag in my purse, too.)

What about the kids, you ask? How am I getting them to eat all this stuff? What about Gushers and fruit roll-ups and chips and Capri-Sun's? Aren't they feeling deprived? The truth is, I haven't given them a choice. I threw it all out- all the junk food. I figured if I was feeling lousy eating all those sugary and salty snacks with no nutritional value, surely they were, too, and didn't even know it!

I was afraid, honestly, about being that "health food" house. You know, the ones the kids' friends never want to come to because we don't have junk food in the house. Well, we had our first experiment last Friday. All the kids had a friend over. I made avocado-filled "deviled" eggs and bacon and sweet potato filled endive. Within a matter of minutes, they were all gone. Not to mention the bag of cutie oranges I had bought that day. I heard a few, "Wow- that's awesome!" and "This tastes really good!" But, there was no complaining.

Cost wise, I think these snacks are the same as if not less than what I would pay buying sugary junk. It just took a little planning. But, the time I spent cooking (maybe 30 minutes) was worth the satisfaction I got from watching these children enjoy healthy snacks!

Here is what I made for dinner last night:

Pecan crusted cod (I ground up pecans in the coffee grinder, rubbed a little olive oil and salt on the fish, sprinkled the crushed pecans over it, and baked at 350 for about 20 minutes), mashed sweet potatoes, and green beans. (The whole meal took me around 30 minutes to prepare.)

Seriously, it was SO easy. And the kids literally licked their plates. They didn't ask for dessert after dinner- they asked for a banana!!! Of COURSE?!?!?!?

There are a TON of Paleo resources on the internet. You do NOT have to feel deprived of anything. You just have to be prepared!

Here are a few of my favorites:
Crossfit Flex Gym Nutrition blog (I linked this blog yesterday. My friend, Juli, is amazing!! You ought to see her abs- seriously. We're starting to cook and experiment together, too.)

Jen's Gone Paleo- I've just started reading this blog and LOVE this girl's approach to food and cooking.

Everyday Paleo- This lady is hardcore. She's fed her kids Paleo their whole lives!! She has some great ideas for families on the go as well as lunch and snack ideas. She also has a cookbook that I am going to order.

If you are thinking about giving Paleo a go, just do it. I promise you will not regret it. You will be amazed at the energy you have and how fun eating healthy really can be!

Couch to Crossfit, Crossfit to Paleo

2011-01-18T14:29:00.000-08:00

Crossfit = combination strength training/ aerobic/ crazy intense/ you feel like your going to die by the end of most WOD's/ workout. (I started it last September.)

It kicks my rear every. single. time. But, I keep going back. I am probably the least in shape at my gym. But, I keep going back.

Part of it is the people. Part of it is the competition- against yourself and against others. Part of it is the amazing trainers. Part of it is that I am coming up on 35 and I am NOT going to enter into halfway to 70 looking like I'm 50 because I didn't take care of myself.

I took a challenge on January 1. It was a challenge made by my gym to go completely gluten free. However, I decided to step it up a notch or two and eat Paleo.

Paleo= Meat, Fish, Veggies, Fruit, Nuts, and Eggs. NO dairy, legumes, sugar, or grains.

The first week was a bit hellish. My whole body shook. I was pale and clammy and all I could think about was how badly I wanted a big chocolate bar. But, I pressed through and am 7 pounds lighter with TONS more energy, a better mood, and a sense of pride over the fact that I have continued to say "no" to sugar.

I have discovered that I like Paleo. I like it a lot. I have started feeding my family mostly Paleo. I threw out our junk food drawer. I plan meals and have plenty of fruit and veggies on hand for snacks.

Our fruit bowls, which I stocked yesterday, but will be empty by the end of the week.

I left the boys home alone for a few minutes yesterday and came home to two empty grapefruit halves. It was, perhaps, a little disconcerting that they used a knife without me here to cut it open, but I was proud of their snack choice!

I am loving experimenting in the kitchen and have decided to use this blog to share some of my creations, and the creations of others that turn out well. (My friend, Juli, has some amazing recipes on this page.)

Here is my experiment from last night:

Sausage, onions, and apples cooked in a bit of olive oil, wrapped in a lettuce shell with zucchini dipped in egg whites and coconut flour and fried in olive oil- SO YUMMY!

The kiddos loved it.

I am hoping that by sticking with Crossfit and Paleo, in a few months I will look less like this:

and more like this:
(These girls are from my gym and are awesome!)

More importantly, I want to have the stamina and energy to do things like this:

Because I want to be around to watch these kids grow up:

And I'd like to do more than just watch them grow up.

I also want to keep up with them. And maybe even pass them up.

Beauty from Ashes

2011-01-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

There are so many things I'd love to blog about right now including our amazing visit from Uncle Curtis and Auntie Bernice from Canada, the last weeks of school before Christmas, the joy we get from watching our children enjoy this time of year, and a lovely Christmas with my entire family (including my parents, siblings, spouses, and all of our children!).

I suppose this is the time of year that many of us reflect. We reflect on the failures and successes, the relationships made and relationships lost, and, in general, where God has us and where He'd rather us be. One thing I love to look back on is how God takes sorrows and turns them into joys. Or, maybe He doesn't take away the sorrow, but it's because of deep sorrow that one really knows deep joy. I don't think I've ever experienced grief on the same level as many I know.

I KNOW I haven't experienced grief like our dear friends, Todd and Jill. You may remember me telling the story- almost 4 years ago now. After years of trying, Todd and Jill finally found out they were expecting- with twins! We were all so thrilled. There, in my opinion, was no one more deserving of the blessing of twins than Todd and Jill.

Sadly, 22 weeks into the pregnancy, God, for reasons we won't understand until we can ask Him, chose to take those little babies home. It was gut-wrenching. Jeff and I watched our dearest friends go through the one thing every parent prays they will never go through. The haunting beauty of Jill as she held those babies and wept tears that no mother should have to cry is never far from my thoughts. Todd carrying that tiny casket from the chapel to the gravesite will forever be etched into my memory.

Several months after moving to Canada, and about a year after the twins died, Jill called. I knew this was going to be a happy phone call. I could hear it in her voice. She was pregnant- with TWINS! My mouth dropped. I screamed. I jumped up and down. I can not express the joy that I felt, but Jill was cautious- cautiously optimistic. She was placed on strict bed rest for her entire pregnancy. And, in true Jill fashion, she was a trooper. She handled it with grace and dignity as no one doubted she would.

And, about eight months later Rachel and Elizabeth were born- full term perfectly healthy babies. And, can I just say, I really don't think I've ever seen such exquisite beauty? (Except for Selah, of course!)

We didn't get to see Todd and Jill the entire time we lived in Canada. I relied on blogs and e-mailed pictures to keep up with the girls' growth- which seems very rapid to me! But, two weeks ago, on our way to meet my family for Christmas, we had the blessing of meeting up with this dear family.

Rachel and Elizabeth are now two! And, they are darling. I wonder how it was for Todd and Jill in those first moments of meeting the girls. I know the depth of their love for James and Kate runs as wide as it does for Rachel and Elizabeth. I am certain that, in those first moments of life, Todd and Jill knew what deep joy was. And they are still experiencing it as they watch those two year olds hobble all over the place and fight with each other and love on each other.

Jeff and I got to experience it, as well, but on a much shallower level, I am sure. It was a joyous few hours, watching Todd dote on his girls and Jill mother them so eloquently.

I think I got a tiny glimpse into how God turns beauty from ashes. It made me want to appreciate every moment- the good stuff and the bad stuff. It made me want to be present- not just here. It made me want to hold on to my children a little tighter and hold Jeff's hand a little more. It made me want to do my best to mend broken relationships and forgive a little easier. It made me not want to sweat the small stuff I so often stress over.

It made me want to know God on a deeper level and pray more. It made me want to be a more generous giver and a more humble receiver.

So, I suppose, this is my theme for 2011. God does and will turn ashes into beauty and whatever ashes I think I have (which are so minuscule in the grand scheme of life), I want to turn them over to Him and watch as He teaches me what true beauty really is.

Todd and Jill, Rachel, Elizabeth, James, and Kate- Thanks for being our friends. Thanks for putting up with us and thanks for teaching us, in your beautiful way, that God does, indeed, turn mourning into dancing.

I dropped a vacuum cleaner on my head and other reasons why I might be losing my mind

2010-12-07T11:45:00.000-08:00

I was vacuuming the stairs this morning and the vacuum cleaner was sitting at the top of the stairs as I stretched the hose down to the last stair. And the vacuum cleaner fell. On my head. And it really hurt. A couple of tears came to my eyes, but then they turned to tears of laughter as I realized how ridiculous it was that I was crying because I dropped the vacuum cleaner on my head. And I started laughing hard- harder than I have in quite a while, even as I felt the growing welt on my head.

I was checking out at Wal-Mart yesterday and I was well aware that I had more than 20 items, but the only lanes open were the "20 items or less" lane and the "10 items or less" lane. I went for the 20. But, the lady at the till kept sighing and giving me dirty looks. I apologized, but pointed out there were no other lanes open. About half way through my order, a man got in line behind me with 1 item. I could tell the moment he walked up that he was mad. He actually told me that I was being very inconsiderate by checking out in the 20 items or less lane when I clearly had more than 20 items. I, again, apologized but informed him there were no other lanes open. But, of course, at that moment (or maybe a few moments before) a regular lane had opened and I just looked like an inconsiderate brat. I left Wal-Mart crying.

I realized that some people are completely unaware of the spirit of this season. Where's the love, people? Where's the patience and kindness and happiness that is supposed to encompass this beautiful time of year?

We need to laugh a little more. We need to enjoy life a little more. And then, today, if occurred to me, perhaps everyone should drop a vacuum cleaner on their head.

Shingle Bells

2010-11-28T20:31:00.000-08:00

(sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

On our way to Gran's.
Sam starts to complain.
There seems to be a rash.
There seems to be some pain.

We've no idea the cause.
The agony just grows.
We get to the ER.
And the doctor thinks she knows.

Oh!

Shingle bells! Shingle bells!
Shingles on the bum!
There's no worse place for them to be.
Thanksgiving won't be fun.

Oh!

Shingle bells! Shingle bells!
Shingles plus pain meds.
Make for a loopy, pitiful boy
Spending lots of time in bed.

We don't know the cause.
We just know they hurt.
As evidenced by Sam.
Who said he felt like dirt.

We pray they won't come back.
It was painful just to see.
But Sam, he toughed it out.
Now they're healing quite nicely.

Oh!

Shingle bells! Shingle bells!
Our poor guy's in pain.
You're not welcome in our home.
Don't ever come back again!

(based on a true story.)

This Road

2010-11-14T20:07:00.000-08:00

Saying vows is easier than staying true to them.

Did we even understand when we repeated them?

To love, cherish, and to honor seemed so simple.

Having babies after that seemed so responsible.

We did not know that this road would have so many hills.

We did not know that our love would take so many spills.

Sometimes all we do is just get through the day.

It's not ideal but sometimes the only way.

And this road- is not what we thought it should be.

This road is "I don't know's" and "I am sorry's".

This road is twists and turns and egos burned.

But, at least- we're on this road.

In the movies lovers make up in a day or two.

If they don't they just move on- it's what we're taught to do.

I don't want to leave a legacy of running away.

Let's dig our heels in and find the strength to stay.

On this road- though it's not what we thought it should be.

This road- with it's "I don't know's" and "I am sorry's".

This road- it's twists and turns and egos burned.

But, at least- we're on this road.

(Jeff and I are fine- better than fine- promise. Just been thinking about this road and thankful to be on it with a pretty awesome guy.)

Damn them....because I wish I could.

2010-11-04T05:56:00.000-07:00

I did everything I knew to do. I made sure he had "cool" clothes. I made sure and had a "hip" haircut. I made sure he brushed his teeth every morning and took a shower at least every other day.

But, yesterday, Sam came home from school in tears, sobbing. He's been getting teased relentlessly at school. The names that he gets called every day are too graphic to write on this blog, but sufficient to say, my mama heart is broken.

He said it's been going on since the beginning of the school year and that he didn't want to tell me because he knew I'd do something about it and he didn't want me to embarrass him. I get that.

Jeff was also made fun of at this age. I keep telling myself that Jeff turned out OK, right? But, really, I just want to yank Sam out of that school and never send him back. I wish it were that easy.

I wish I could shelter Sam from the cruelties in this world. I wish I could take it all away. But, I really wish I could kick some fifth grade ass.

De-friend

2010-10-24T18:44:00.000-07:00

I wonder if "de-friend" was a word before Facebook came along. I wonder if you've ever been "de-friended". I wonder if it didn't bother you one bit or if it crushed you like it did me.

I just read this blog. I get it. Friendships don't happen over Facebook or e-mail. Friendships don't happen when someone writes a feel-good status update. Friendships don't happen when someone writes a nice compliment on your wall.

Friendships take time. They take sacrifice. They take loving the lovely and knowing the ugly and loving anyways. Similar to marriage, friendship is something worth fighting for. It's worth agreeing to disagree.

I canceled my Facebook account a few months ago. I realized that I was putting too much stock in the friends I had on Facebook and not spending enough time with the friends I have in real life. (Please don't hear from this blog that I think everyone should quit Facebook. On the contrary, I think most people use it in a very healthy, non-time-consuming way.)

I have a handful of friends that know me- the good, the bad, and the ugly. They are the "pick up where you left off even if you haven't seen or talked in months" kind of friends. They are the "call when I need to be encouraged and need a good laugh" kind of friends. They are the "pray with me, for me, about me" kind of friends. I hope that the feeling is mutual:) (I'm pretty sure it is.)

I wonder, though, do you have a hard time keeping or making friends? In what ways do you maintain friendships in spite of our busy lives? What advice might some of you have in keeping and making friends?

He walked a little straighter.

2010-10-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

Partly because reading this family's story has blessed me and I wanted to honor this precious boy and partly because Jeff and I are attending a Bible class based on this book, Sam and I decided to perform a random act of kindness this morning. (Sam was home from school- a bit of an upset stomach- but, really, I think he just wanted/ needed a day off.)

We went to Starbucks and waited for a lull in the line. Once there was one, we gave the cashier some money and said we'd like to pay for as many people's coffee as that would cover. And, then, we sat down and watched and listened.

The first woman exclaimed loudly, "What a way to start off my day!" The next man, a little elderly man, walked in with a hunched back. Sam said he thought the man walked out a little straighter. I agreed.

Sam and I loved the cashier. He would, with a very straight face, inform the customers that their tab was paid for. They would say, "What?"

And he would say, "You can put your wallet away. Somebody already paid for you."

The thing I was most surprised about was how much it meant to the baristas. When we left, they were saying things like, "That was so fun!" and "I love stuff like that!" I loved that we could make their day, as well.

It was such a small, simple act, and I know we didn't change anyone's life. But, maybe we changed the way someone's day was going. And, maybe they'll pass it on sometime soon.

And, if nothing else, that little old man's smile will be etched in my brain as he walked out of Starbucks- perhaps just a little straighter.

Dear Sam

2010-10-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

Today, you came home from school trying your best to hold back the tears that were welling up in your eyes. You told me that, after practicing early in the morning for the last month and a half, you were cut from the school track team. My heart broke. I know how hard you worked. I heard the excitement in your voice when you told me how you had improved your long jump or were in the top three in hurdles. And, then, to be one of the few kids cut from the team was hard- really hard.

You are handling it well this afternoon. I'm sitting here listening to you practice guitar and am continually impressed with how well you are doing. I'm sorry that you inherited Daddy and my athletic ability, but I wonder if perhaps you will end up being a writer....a song writer, perhaps? That would be OK with me! I suppose it wouldn't be awesome to have your mom be a back up singer in your rock band?

Although you may not be a competitor, I know for certain that there is no one your daddy would rather hike with. Last weekend, you and daddy climbed your first "14-er." Dad messaged me from the top and said, "Sam and I just summited Mt Bierstadt. How cool I got to do my first 14-er with my kid. I am one proud dad right now."

I want to remind you of our family theme verse. I love it because it talks about all the things that God says are important. And, guess what? Track isn't one of them.

Colossians 1: 9-12 Since the day we heard about you, we have continued praying for you. We ask God that you will know fully what God wants. We pray that you will also have great wisdom and understanding in spiritual things. Then you will live the kind of life that honors and pleases the Lord in every way. You will produce fruit in every good work and grow in the knowledge of God. Then God will strengthen you with His own great power. And you will not give up when troubles come, but you will be patient. Then you will joyfully give thanks to the Father.

Facial Twitch

2010-09-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

If you've been around me at all lately, you know that I am struggling with facial twitching right now. I have this little think I do with my lip- kind of like a quick frown- that I do over and over and over again. I can't stop. Well, I can if I really concentrate. I blink really hard And I can't stop. Well, I can if I try really hard.

I don't know what causes it except that most things I've read online say it has something to do with stress and anxiety. I don't really feel that stressed. I probably faced some of my more stressful, anxiety filled moments during our time in Calgary, but I would have thought it would go away by now.

But, it's just getting worse. And people have started asking me if my face is OK. The kids' friends have started asking what's wrong with my face and why do I do that thing with my lip. It is so. dang. embarrassing.

So, I've been reading up on cures online. And there are some medications that can be helpful, although I don't know about side effects. And hypnosis. Which my sister says I should look in to. I'm open to just about anything right now.

Just wanted you to know if you see me on a regular basis. Or a not so regular basis. That I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. It drives me crazy. Really, really crazy. And it's embarrassing. Really, really embarrassing.

But, how do I deal with embarrassing situations? I blog about them, of course! And, somehow, it's not quite so embarrassing if everyone knows I know.

Marriage Maintenance

2010-09-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

After an international move, a miscarriage, starting new schools, two "busy" seasons for Jeff, and just general craziness, Jeff and I are leaving soon for a little marriage maintenance. Jeff's parents are here spoiling the kids so they will be having fun, too.

I can not express in words how much I love this man. And tomorrow is his birthday.

It's going to be a good birthday, baby.

What happens when the thunder cracks

2010-09-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

Look what Jeff and I discovered after a thunder storm late one evening last week:

So many things... and an important ? for adoptive families

2010-08-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I want to blog about right now. The first day of school, the three hours a day I have to myself, how I started Crossfitting (and I can hardly move right now because I'm so sore), our wonderful new church, my sweet children who are teaching us so much right now, how Jeff and I celebrated our 11th anniversary, and how much we are enjoying our new house. We are loving our new life here.

One of the many things I love about this area is the amount of obvious adoptive families. Selah has at least one other internationally adopted student in her class and there are a bunch in the school. We see them when we're out for dinner or on walks. I know that I LOVE it when people ask us about Selah. But, I'm wondering, as fellow adoptive families, how do you feel when strangers approach you and ask about your children? How do you respond? Are you bothered by it? Do you approach other families and, if so, how do you do it? It seems that inter-racial and international adoption (at least here in the Denver area) are very common and I want to know how to, or even if I should, talk to other families like ours.

Thanks for your input!

And Sara W.- please forgive me for not calling last week! I will soon. I'm really looking forward to getting together!

Gotcha Day 2010....one I'll not forget.

2010-08-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, August 14, we celebrated Selah all day long, for it is the day we "got her" in Vietnam four years ago. I feel I can not say enough how much joy this girl has brought to our family. She is, in every sense of the word, our daughter, sister, niece, and granddaughter.

About three years and 11 months ago, Silas apparently had a different idea of what his sister should be like and look like. A few days after we brought her home, he informed us that he was pretty sure Selah was not the right baby for us. She cried a lot. She pooped a lot. And she demanded a lot of our time and attention. In hindsight, I believe this was a natural response from him, the child who, up until that point, had been the youngest. His place had been misplaced, or at least he thought.

Thus, a sibling rivalry like we never experienced with Sam and Silas, was born. Silas and Selah fight. A lot. They know how to push each other's buttons. They know just what to say to grate on the other's nerves. They know the sounds to make and the names to call. And it drives us crazy! I have wondered if they will ever get over their dislike of each other because the sweet moments are few and far between.

But, yesterday, something happened that affected Silas deeply. Deeply enough, apparently, to make him- and us- realize that he actually does dearly love his sister. Selah was getting out of the van, the side with the automatic sliding door, and somehow the door started automatically closing, just like it's supposed to do. Except that Selah wasn't quite out yet and it's supposed to "sense" an object in the way and re-open. But, it didn't.

It was brought to our attention when we heard Silas's blood-curdling cries. "Mom! Dad! She's stuck! Get her out! She's hurt real bad!Get her! Get her!!" Selah was screaming, also, and I imagine if you had walked by our house at the moment, you would have thought someone was dying....and I'm not exaggerating.

I ran over to the door and pushed the button that re-opens the door. But, Selah's leg was somehow caught between the door and the car and was on it's way to being crushed. In a moment of clarity, I decided that a broken leg was better than a crushed leg, so with all my might, I yanked Selah's leg out of the door. I was sure it was broken.

Silas was still screaming. Selah was still crying. And Jeff and Sam were doing their best to inspect for bones that I were sure must be protruding from Selah's leg. But, there were none. And she was able to move her legs and feet just fine.

It took a while to calm everyone down, but we did eventually. Silas kept saying how he would never be able to get that image out of his head, the image of his sister being crushed in the door. He hugged her a lot. I even hear him whisper, "I'm so glad you're OK. You scared me. I love you, little sister."

After Jeff and I went to bed last night, there was a knock on our bedroom door. It was Silas. He was crying. "I can't stop seeing it, Mom. I can't stop seeing my sister being crushed in that door. I was so scared, Mom." We offered for him to sleep in our bedroom floor. And he did.

As I watched Silas sleep it occurred to me that perhaps he did, indeed, love his sister and it was in that one scary moment that he, also, realized life with Selah is a whole lot better than life without her.

Oh Silas

2010-08-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

Selah has recently taken to sleeping without her shirt on. "To be like the boys," she says.

This morning, a topless Selah wandered in to the dining room while Jeff and I ate our breakfast. Silas followed and his first question was , "WHY does she sleep without her shirt on? Does she think she's a boy or something?"

Jeff replied, "She just wants to be like her brothers."

Silas looked at me and said, "Mom, do YOU ever sleep without your shirt on?"

I sheepishly looked at Jeff and said, "Sometimes. Daddy likes it when I sleep without my shirt on."

It was as if a light bulb went on in Silas's head and in true Silas fashion he replied, "Oh! It's because Daddy likes to pick the belly button lint out of your belly button, isn't it Mom?"

Um.....yeah.......belly button lint. That's right, Silas.

And reality hits.

2010-07-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Jeff and I held our boys on the hotel couch while they cried their eyes out. They miss their friends. They miss Uncle Curtis and Auntie Bernice. This trip is no longer a fun adventure.

And let me just tell you that there's not a whole lot more heartbreaking than big, huge tears streaming down my children's cheeks.

The good news is that we close on the new digs tomorrow. We are praying for sweet new friends for our kids. And, hopefully, the adventure of a new house will keep their little minds occupied for a bit.

We also have the fun of guests to look forward to. The first ones are set to arrive next weekend. So, when are YOU coming for a visit?

Heart.....

2010-07-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

is hurting.
is heavy.
is excited.
is happy.
is sad.
is scared.
is going to miss my Bernice and Curtis and Doug and Sue and Brandi and Nicola and Kelly and Robin and Jack and Gerri amd Kari and Jordan and Sheri and Trevor and Joylaine and Janelle and Jen and Chelsey and Cheri and Erin and Brittany and Bud and Marlene and Caroline and Kara and Colin and Tara and Jeff and so many more that I'm too tired to remember and yet I still can't sleep at 1:50 AM.
Thanks, Calgary. My heart is still here.

We're on our way, Denver. Look out.

More Lasts

2010-07-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Our last Canada Day spent in Canada. (Hat and cups courtesy of our friends, Doug & Sue.)

Sam's last guitar lesson with, we think, the coolest guitar teacher ever.

The last day of school. Silas, with his wonderful teacher, Mrs. B.

One of our last dinners out with our beloved Auntie and Uncle. My stomach is literally in knots when I think about living so far away from these people.

We are enjoying, in a bittersweet sort of way, our last days in Calgary.

Number 4

2010-06-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

In the midst of our moving craziness, Jeff and I found out we were expecting. We had a week of wondering if I would miscarry again (after 3 prior miscarriages) and a week of hoping and praying that this one was going to happen. It didn't. I'm sad. So is Jeff. But, we are resting in knowing that God has a plan in this!

I'm sharing this because I'm wondering if there are any of you who have gone through multiple early miscarriages and found out a cause for it? I'm wondering if there is a health reason, perhaps it affects other things going on in my body? I'd really like to get it fixed, whatever it is. And I'd LOVE to hear if you have any ideas! (And, yes, I will be seeing a doctor and picking her brain, as well.)

On finding birth parents

2010-06-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

After a conversation with a fellow adoptive mother today whom I love dearly, I was wondering what the rest of you (esp. the adoption community) think about adoptive parents finding birth parents while adopted children are still young? I honestly have no opinion at this point. I didn't know it was even a possibility for us to find Selah's birth parents, but, apparently, we have that choice. Just curious what everyone else is thinking and why you're thinking it.............

The first of the lasts

2010-06-14T10:18:00.000-07:00

Our time in Calgary is coming close to ending. Not for good, I am certain, as I know we will back to visit. We have too many cherished friendships here and love this place too much to not come back! We feel very blessed to have had the privilege of living in another country for a while.

Saturday, we spent our last day as a family in the Canadian Rockies. I tell ya, there are no mountains I have ever seen that are as dramatic and breath taking as the Canadian Rockies. It was a sweet day as we reminisced about our time in Calgary and watched our children enjoy the outdoors as much as we do.

Saturday evening was bittersweet as the girls from my Thursday morning Bible study had a going away party for me. I can not tell you how much I love these girls. They have put up with me from the beginning. Through my tears and frustrations and quirks they have loved and accepted me. I have learned much about Jesus through the fruits of the Spirit that these women showed towards me and every other girl that walks through their doors! And the food was YUMMY!

Sunday morning was what our church deems "Showcase Sunday." It's a Sunday dedicated to the children and all they have learned in their Bible classes. One of the sweetest moments for us was when Selah hopped off of the stage after her song and, unsolicited, went straight to our friend Trevor, who was sitting on the front row, and gave him a big ol' hug. Thank you to those of you who "adopted" our children! You will never know what that has meant to us.

After church, the young adults small group that Jeff and I have been a part of for the last year and a bit, had an end of the year BBQ. Unbeknownst to us, part of the plan was to honour our family. We love this group of people and have been blessed beyond words by the relationships we have developed through it. We ate a yummy cake and were presented with some gifts that we will cherish forever- hockey sticks for the kids and a Canadian ice hockey calendar for us- WOOHOO!!! We will have a special place for this calendar at our new home in Denver. And the kids have all decided they would like their hockey sticks mounted on their bedroom walls. (And we will be cheering for the Calgary Flames when they play the Colorado Avalanche, BTW.)

There is so much going on in my head right now. So much we have learned here. So many amazing times. A lot of really hard times, but I am thankful for what God has taught us! It's going to be hard- really hard- to leave this place that has become our home.

Tuesday

2010-06-08T17:07:00.000-07:00

Goofy kids. I love 'em.

Dead Tree

2010-06-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

We have a tree in our back yard. It is dead. Or, at least, we thought it was dead. It was ugly. It had no leaves. Just dead, ugly branches that seemed to always crack and break off. We thought we'd eventually cut it down and put it- and us- out of our misery. But, we never did.

A few mornings ago one of the kids came running in to our room. He was screaming, "The tree! The dead tree! It's not dead! Look at it! Look at it!" I begrudgingly hauled myself out of bed and, to my surprise, this is what I saw at the top of the "dead" branches:

Beautiful blossoms. We never even saw a green leaf on the tree. We never noticed any buds. But, then all of a sudden we have hundreds of huge, white flowers. Perhaps it was the original ugliness that made it's blossoms so strikingly beautiful.

What a wonderful, tangible lesson the Lord provided us in observing our dead tree: He makes all things new. He turns the ugly into the beautiful.

And, sometimes, it's the ugliness that helps us appreciate and cherish the beauty all the more.

The one who calls me "Ma"

2010-05-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

My dear Silas will turn 8 soon. As every mother does, I wonder where the time has gone. Silas is growing up fast. Too fast. Each of my children has special gifts that stir my heart, but Silas is, perhaps, the most like me. Sometimes, I am so so proud. And other times I am very disturbed, knowing so many of his characteristics come from his mama.

Silas has a temper. Recently, after an "episode", I sent him on a walk around the block. He must have walked around the block several times because when he finally came home, I was getting a bit worried. He came through the door with his big, blue eyes filled with repentent tears. "Would you mind if I call you Ma?" he asked.

I answered, "No, that would be fine. What is it that makes you want to call me Ma?"

He went on to explain to me that all the kids in Little House on the Prairie (the only show we watch during the week) call their parents "Ma" and "Pa" and they are all "just so good." He thought if he called us Ma and Pa that perhaps it would remind him to be good. And, so, ever since then, Jeff and I have been "Ma" and "Pa." When we ask Silas to do something, his response is usually, "Yes, Ma" or "Yes, Pa."

Silas has a gift with people. We have been amazed at his ability to meet new friends and, especially, his heart for those so unlike himself. There is a boy with Down's Syndrome at Silas's school whom he was determined to be friends with. Silas recently asked us if we could have a Down's baby because, "That boy is the sweetest boy I've ever known."

Just today, he told me his best friend, Cheetie, and him were "kindred spirits." Cheetie is from Nigeria and his mother told me that Silas is Cheetie's first friend ever. When we told the boys we were moving to Denver, Silas started crying and said, "Mom, what is Cheetie going to do without me? I will have to make some of my other friends pinkie swear that they will look out for Cheetie when I'm gone."

Jeff and I have commented often about how Silas seems to be very Spirit-led. When he prays, it is from his heart and it is always applicable to current circumstances. When he loves, it is whole heartedly. When he is angry, watch out! (But, we're working on that.)

My heart overflows with love for my children who, for now, the Lord has entrusted me with. Happy birthday, my sweet Silas. You make your Ma and Pa proud.

Three Kinds of Friends

2010-05-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

So, I had written this post a couple of days ago regarding brokenness. And I said how I was praying for it and all that. And, part of me is. But, I think part of me is not ready to go there. Part of the post talked about the honesty of brokenness and I wasn't sure I was being honest about the brokenness I talked about. Thank you to those who commented on it. I may re-post it in the future when I know I can be completely honest about it.

In ALL honesty, this is what I've realized the last few days. I have three kinds of friends.

-There are the friends that when you're talking on the phone to them you would never even think about going to the bathroom because it just wouldn't seem right.

-There are the kinds of friends that you'd go to the bathroom while you're talking to them on the phone, but you wouldn't tell them- unless they asked what that noise was in the background.

-But, THEN.....THEN.....there are the friends who when you are talking on the phone to them you can just say, "I'm totally pee-ing, by the way." And they just say, "Oh- well.....anyways....as I was saying...." And it doesn't phase them one bit.

I am appreciating more and more the third kind of friend.

Inside My Head

2010-04-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

(I have really struggled with whether or not to post the following, as it is quite personal information. But, because I know there are many out there in my blog world who suffer form chemical depression, I decided to go ahead.)

You're not really depressed, Erin. Look at you and how good your life is! You have a great husband, awesome kids, sweet friends.....WHAT do you have to be sad about? You don't need half of some silly white pill to balance the chemicals in your brain. Silly girl. What would the world think if they knew that the contentment and happiness they see on the outside is basically a sham? It's all due to a dumb little pill that you don't really need. Be done with it. Lean on the Lord more. You'll be fine.

One week later.....

See, you're fine. You can do this. Relationships are still good. God is still in control. You're still in control. Who the heck told you you needed medication?

Two weeks later.......

Alright, so you lost it. No biggie. Everyone loses it every once in a while. You're crying a lot. But, isn't it just because of current circumstances? It has nothing to do with being imbalanced. It has everything to do with the fact that you are not relying on God enough. You just need to pray more. PRAY, damn it. Just pray.

A few days later.........

Did you see that, self? She just totally gave you a dirty look. Just as you thought. She hates you. And why wouldn't she? What is there to love? Look at you. You're ugly on the inside and out. You don't pray
enough. You don't rely on God enough. You cant even keep your household together. Oh, look, she's glaring at you again. And so is the lady sitting next to her. They're talking about you. What did you do now? Did you say something stupid again? You know you're always offending people. You're stupid. What made you think you could be a good mom? Jeff is only staying with you because he feels sorry for you and because he REALLY loves the Lord and depends on Him for strength. Strength to stay with you. Lord knows he needs it.

I can't do this, Lord. Why do I think I can do this? Lord, are you there? Show me what to do. Show me how to make this right. The pill? That stupid pill? That's all I need? Must I be so dependent on that pill? Can't you be enough, God? Ok! I'm desperate. I'll take it, ok? 'll take the damn pill.

A week or so later.......

Wow. Why didn't I just stay on it? I can do this. See, God, I can do this! I love you, Lord! I love you, Jeff! I love you, my children. Blessed. That's what I am.

Blessed.

My girl

2010-03-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

(I will expand upon my last post very soon, but I really needed to write, first, about my sweet girl.)

My baby girl is five. I simply can not believe how quickly time has flown since she became ours officially in August of 2006. Selah is a delight to our family. I am still in awe of how good God is when I look at her. How is it that a little girl born on the other side of the world could fit so perfectly in to our family? How is it that she could so quickly BE our family in every sense of the word? Only the Lord in His infinite wisdom would know just what we needed. Selah, who's name means "to pause in wonder of God", lives up to the meaning of her name. We often pause in wonder of God when we realize just how much a part of us she is.

I thought some of you (mostly our families) would be interested in seeing pictures from her five year old princess tea party. I was thrilled with her idea to have a tea party with her favorite girl friends and had so much fun planning it.

The table pre-party

The party favors- T-shirts with a ironed on princess crown

The princess herself

Outfit, courtesy of Aunt Amy- Thank you, Aunt Amy!

Big brothers, Sam and Silas, helped paint nails

The princesses feasting on lunch

My sisters and I all got our ears pierced when we turned 5, so we carried on the tradition. Selah was SO BRAVE!

Her party was early so we celebrated her actual birthday at The Broken Plate with Auntie Bernice and Uncle Curtis.

Selah Thu, You are a gift. We love you so much and we pause in wonder every day that the Lord matched us with you!

A New Place, A New Identity

2010-03-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

Our family has news. Big news. We are moving! We have simply loved our time in Calgary. The Lord has grown me- us- so much. As of July, the place we will call home is Denver, Colorado.

Denver is our dream city for many reasons. It is about half way between my family and Jeff's family. It is in the mountains. It is an outdoor person's dream. A long time ago, we said that Denver is the place we eventually wanted to end up. And now it's going to happen. Our original plan was that we would stay in Calgary for a few more years, which is why we bought a house last July. I suppose the Lord does love surprises, doesn't He?

One of the things we have been talking a lot about is where we will go to church. Of course, our children want to go to church at the same place as Willow, Hunter, Trenton, and Cameron- their best friends here. But, we know that will not be possible. Sniff sniff.

One of the things that I have most been burdened by recently is how I think I have relied more on my church's denomination, rather than my actual relationship with Christ, to form my identity. I do not want my identity to be found in the Church of Christ (our denomination). I want my identity simply to be found in Christ.

Jeff and I want this for our children, as well. We desire for them to know the Lord and for them to rely on Him to fill their every need. I don't want them to always rely on us and I don't want them to always rely on their church. I want them to first look to Christ- just Christ.

At the same time, I love my heritage in the Church of Christ. I love that it has been passed down from generation to generation in our families. I love that I can walk in to any Church of Christ and have the ACU and Harding connections. I love that my grandfather has baptized people who's families still go to church- and one family we know here in Calgary. I love that.

But, I don't want my identity to be found in who I'm related to or who I know. I only want it to be found in Who I know. And how I long to KNOW Him!!! Really know Him!

We have a theme verse for our family that I have been meditating on recently. It encompasses everything we want our family to value and I'd like to share it with you:

......from the day we heard about you, we have not ceased praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may live worthily of the Lord and please Him in all respects- bearing fruit in every good deed, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might for the display of all patience and steadfastness, joyfully giving thanks to the Father which has qualified you to share in the saints' inheritance in the light. -Colossians 1: 9-12

Lord, how I desire to please You! How I long to know You and for my children to know You. May our identities always be found in Who's we are- not who we are.

Update: I am shocked at the number of private messages I have received from "ex-Church of Christers" who have resonated with this post. My heart hurts. It seems our denomination has failed many. Thank you so much to those of you who have left messages. On one level it saddens me that the church of my heritage has failed so many and on another level it makes me want to stick with it to see that changes are made for the sake of my own children. We honestly don't know what we will do in Denver, but I just wanted to say a "thank you" to those who are willing to be honest and share your experiences.

Because of Jenny Biz

2010-02-23T06:00:00.000-08:00

I only met you once or twice, Jenny, when you visited Jonathon at Bammel, but I could tell you were something special. When I read your blog, I am touched by the amount of posts about your daughter and husband. It is evident you loved deeply and fully.

Yesterday was a hard "mom" day for me. My own daughter threw fit after fit. My ears were ringing and I was exhausted by the end of the day.

As I laid in bed crying out to God on your family's behalf, the face of my own little girl kept coming to my mind. "Erin....." the Lord seemed to whisper, "this is what you can do to honor Jenny. Love your own family deeply and fully."

I wondered if I had been the one to die yesterday what Selah would remember of me. Would she remember how I lost my temper after the second hour of screaming? Would she remember how I curled up in a ball at the end of her bed and cried, "Lord! Give me wisdom! I'm at a loss!" What if that was the last image my daughter had of me?

Today, in honor of you, Jenny, because of you, I am taking Selah out. I'm not sure what we will do. But, it will be frivolous and fun. It will be a "just because" day. It will be a memory making day. It will be a "just because I love you" day. It will be a "remember this for a long time" day.

I am determined, Jenny Biz, that if I die today, THIS day is what Selah will remember of me. She will remember she had a mama that loved deeply and fully.

Thanks, Jenny. You will be missed deeply and fully.

Mom and Dad

2010-02-10T16:47:00.000-08:00

This is my Mom and Dad who are currently living in Austria. They recently attended a ball with some other government dudes. Aren't they good looking for being as old as they are? (just kidding, Mom and Dad!) I am blessed to have parents still together and madly in love after 30 something years. (Mom- I just have to say you look hot in this dress! Can I borrow it?)

I'm particularly interested in the things they are doing in Austria because we- all five of us- are going to visit them soon! Woohoo!!!

I can hardly wait.

Facebook is my drug of choice.

2010-02-02T12:19:00.000-08:00

I recently "downsized" the amount of people I was friends with on Facebook. I went from around 420 to around 100 friends. No, 320 people did not offend me. It was because I came to the realization that, for me, Facebook, has not been a healthy way of spending my time.

I checked all 420 friends Facebook statuses every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. I didn't always comment, but I was reading....promise. If I was looking at someone's page and noticed they had new photos, I would look at those. If someone posted a link, I would read it. If there was a status update along the lines of "I'm having a bad day," I would worry that I had done something to make their day bad- even if I had had no contact with that person!

My kids started asking me, "Are you STILL on Facebook?" Jeff would get home from work and I'd have no dinner ready, the house was in shambles, and the kids hadn't done their homework- all because I had been pouring over Facebook and lost track of time.

I would read in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. And it was getting ridiculous.

What was even more ridiculous is that I found myself pretending I had real relationships with most of these people. The truth is, I don't. I want to! But, obviously one can not be close friends with 420 people.

Instead of wasting hours and hours on Facebook, I have decided to try and re-connect with people over coffee and lunches and dinners- face to face- rather than through a computer screen. It is SO much more fulfilling! I am finding that being with people in person is far more soothing than the high I was getting from the hours I poured over Facebook.

Please, please do not take offense if you were one that I deleted. It is ALL me- has absolutely nothing to do with you.

It has everything to do with the fact that Facebook was my drug of choice and I am just now learning to say, "No."

The Girls

2010-01-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

Carrie, me, Brandi, and Nicola

I'm not completely sure how we got together, but the four of us have been "the four of us" for the last year. We get together on a regular basis to pray, study, and more often than not, talk. We talk about things women talk about- our children, our husbands, our insecurities. Sometimes it's deep, sometimes not so much.

I feel like I can be myself completely with these girls. They know my (many) shortcomings and somehow love me anyways. I could go on and on about how each of these girls has blessed my life.

Last night was one of the last nights the four of us will get together because the four of us will become the three of us. Carrie is moving back to the states in February. This girl has blessed my family and me in so many ways. I am not the only one, though, who will miss her- she has blessed a LOT of people!

So, girls, please know that I cherish our time together. I am humbled and honored that you would put up with me. I am thankful for what I learn from all three of you each time we are together.

Carrie- I think you already know how much you'll be missed. But, we'll work on that webcam thingie, alright?

A few of my favs.......

2010-01-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

Our very talented friend, Chelsey, took our family pictures last November. Here are a few of my favorites:

Also, stay tuned for some fun family news and what the Lord has called our family to do to help with the Haiti relief efforts.

Middle class white people

2010-01-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

Who am I that I would be spared from natural disasters such as the earthquake that has claimed thousands upon thousands of innocent lives in Haiti? Who are my children that they would not have to witness bodies lining a sidewalk and the stench as those bodies decompose? Who is my husband that he would have the privilege of a white collar job in a comfortable heated office?

Who are we that we would be born in to this middle class world where we never go hungry and are never without water? Who are we that even if we were to experience a natural disaster, we would have resources and aide immediately?

I am not shielding my children from the images I can't seem to take my eyes away from on the computer. I want their hearts to be stirred. I want them to feel compassion and be moved to action. We're not sure, yet, what we're going to do. But, I will not- WILL NOT- do nothing.

I may be a middle class stay at home soccer mom who drives a minivan, but I'll be damned if I continue on my merry way as if the devastated Haiti never existed.

Yellowstone

2010-01-07T10:38:00.001-08:00

My cousin, Teri, snapped this picture while we were in Yellowstone last October. She gave it to us for Christmas and I love it. Isn't Jeff cute in his cowboy hat?

If I were to write a Christmas newsletter

2009-12-23T19:47:00.000-08:00

2009 Family Photo, taken by the very talented Chelsey Roberts

If I had my rear in gear, I would send every one of our lovely friends and family a beautiful, creative Christmas card. Since I don't, please accept my humble apologies and these words from each of us:

Selah- My favorite thing about 2009 was that I got a new toy at the mall. In 2010, I pray that God will help me run faster. I hope I am nicer to other people.

Silas- My favorite thing about 2009 was that we got some really cool new neighbors that are my age. In 2010, I pray that God will help me read better. I hope I will be a better friend to my brother.

Sam- My favorite thing about 2009 was that I got to spend a lot more time with my family, like Bonnie and Ben, and Grandma and P-Pa, and we are getting to see Uncle James for the first time in a really long time. In 2010, I pray that God will help me become a very good skateboarder. I would like to be a better son and grandson.

Erin- My favorite thing about 2009 was entering and becoming a finalist in a songwriting competition. Although I did not win the overall award, it was so much fun to sing (at a bar after church on Sunday) in front of my friends and family. In 2010, I pray that God will help me to be content wherever He puts me.

Jeff- My favorite thing about 2009 was going to Victoria, British Columbia, for a long weekend with Erin. The scenery was beautiful and we enjoyed an awesome bed and breakfast and good wine. In 2010, I pray that God will help me to be at peace.

There is so much more we could write about. We could write about how we all learned to ski, how we bought a house in a cool neighborhood, our last minute vacation to Yellowstone with Erin's cousins, our young adults' small group that we love, our church that we love, our "adopted" Auntie Bernice and Uncle Curtis who are our Calgary family, our brain damaged chocolate lab, Abe, Erin's crazy road trip by herself with the kids over the summer, Jeff and Sam's many hikes in the Canadian Rockies, Silas and Sam starting at a new Christian school, Silas's reading improvements, Selah's continued princess status and general cuteness, Erin's girls' prayer group and their wild weekend getaway to Edmonton, and so much more.

But, what it boils down to, is that we are blessed beyond measure. Thank you for being our friends and family. The first year we lived in Calgary we had many visitors. 2009 did not produce as many and we missed it! We are a mere hour away from the beautiful Banff and have been here long enough to know the good places to sight see. Must we "sell" you on how wonderful this place is??? Seriously, it's gorgeous! AND, we live here. You have free room and board! Come. See. Us.

Love to each and every one of you.

Marshmallows and Poginas

2009-12-12T13:18:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I had the joy of helping with children's church last Sunday. I felt the need to document the hilariousness that ensued.

The birth of Jesus was the subject of the day and a video was shown of said events. It was not a cartoon, but a remarkably well acted account of Mary and Joseph and the chaos surrounding the birth of Jesus. Perhaps it was a little too realistic for 4 and 5 year old children.

The children were quite enthralled in the film, especially when Mary began to cry out during labor. Many were quite concerned as they yelled out things like, "What's wrong with her?" "She's just having a baby- it's not that bad, right?"

And, our witty friend Roberta who was leading the class, replied, "Oh, yes. Having babies is terribly painful. You should ask your mom about that when you get home."

Back to the movie- it kept skipping between Mary giving birth and the shepherds in the field, who all had staffs. And there was a fire in the distance. Which is the only reason I can figure that one five year old piped up, "Are they roasting marshmallows? I love marshmallows! Can we have marshmallows for snack?"

The movie then skips back to Mary, who with one final anguished cry, gives birth to a slimy, bloody baby Jesus. With a bare bum. Which, of course, the children thought was hilarious. After the laughing died down, there were many questions about "that slimy baby." And, Roberta, again, deferred by telling the children they should, "Ask your mom and dad about that when you get home."

One precious little girl really made her mama proud (alright, it was my kid) when she nudged the boy next to her and announced, "That baby just came out of his mama's pogina."

"Pogina?" said the boy. "What's that?"

I was quick to enter the conversation by repeating what I had heard Roberta say, "You should ask your mom about that when you get home. Oh, look, it's the shepherds again! I think they ARE roasting marshmallows! That does sound yummy, doesn't it?"

I was satisfied that a very awkward moment had been diverted when the boy asked, once again, "Are we having marshmallows for snack?"

Parents did come and get there children after (what seemed like) a very lengthy service. I heard there were a lot of questions asked by inquisitive, observant children who took Roberta's advice to ask their parents when they got home.

The only question my children asked was if we had any marshmallows at home.

In Memory

2009-12-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

I get to sing at a memorial service at our church next week. It is a memorial service for anyone who has had a loss over the last couple of years. While most of us are celebrating and excited about the holidays, there are others of us who dread it just as much because someone who should have been there will not be. I can not express in words what it means to me that those of us who have had miscarriages were included as those who have "lost."

I, in no way, expect my loss(es) to be considered as great as those who have lost loved ones they have known, babies they have held in their arms, or as the untimely death of a parent. Still, though, it was a loss and when others acknowledge it as such, it is precious to me.

After my most recent miscarriage last June, I was emotional (more so than usual.....I know....how can that be?!?!?!), but was able to function just fine. I have found over the last couple of weeks as the holiday approaches that I am thinking about it more. I've been thinking about how pregnant I would be right now. I've thought about the extra stocking that we'd be hanging this year. And it makes me sad. But, I'm so very thankful for the three other stockings I get to hang!

Grieving through a miscarriage is tricky sometimes. Every once in a while I find myself in tears over it and then think to myself, "I have no business being this sad when there are others who have suffered losses of a much greater magnitude." Sometimes I'm afraid that others think I have no right to be sad. Sometimes, I think I haven't been sad enough. After all, as a Christian, we believe that life begins at conception!

But, more often times, I find myself being utterly thankful for the three amazingly beautiful children the Lord has gifted to me. I plan on cherishing every moment this Christmas.

Constructive Criticism

2009-11-30T15:22:00.000-08:00

Every year at his place of work, Jeff receives an evaluation. The review is usually a collection of data from his superiors, those at the same level, and those who work under him. In that evaluation he is given a rating based on his performance from the year. He is told the things he excels in and the areas where he needs to improve. Jeff works hard to enhance the positive things and improve on the things that need improving.

As a stay at home mom, I do not receive a yearly review. Oh, Jeff can give me pointers here and there and may tell me that he needs more of one thing and less in another. But, in general, an annual evaluation is not something that most stay at home moms receive.

I made this realization today when a precious friend gave me some constructive criticism. I won't deny that it was hard to hear. But as this friend spoke to me about these things I need to work on I was filled with a profound peace. I think she was worried I would be angry, but I knew that the words she spoke came out of her love for me. The things she told me were not new news for me. I knew that the issues she spoke of were things that I struggled with. But, it was hearing how my behavior affected others that impacted me.

I feel that, in some strange way, I was given an evaluation today- a much needed one. My job is "homemaker." I am in the business of relationships- relationships with my husband, children, and friends and family. I know I have strengths and my friend has always pointed those out. If I felt only criticized, I'm sure the evaluation would not have gone over as well.

I feel quite blessed that I have a friend- really several friends- who know me well and are willing to call me on the carpet when it is needed. How else would I grow? If I am allowed to continue negative behaviors unaware of how I'm affecting others, I would never be convicted to change.

I am convicted that the Spirit spoke through my friend. I am thankful.

Perhaps the hardest part about constructive evaluations is not hearing it, but acting upon it. But, I pledged to her (and my husband who was thankful that I have a friend willing to speak the truth in love) that I WILL work on it.

And if there is no improvement, I expect another evaluation in the future.

He told me he loved me.

2009-11-16T09:33:00.001-08:00

I got grumpy last night. Whether it was hormonal or chemical or what I do not know. But, I was grumpy. I was mad at the dog because he wouldn't stop sniffing my butt. I was mad at Jeff because he doesn't notice huge messes. I was mad at the kids because they make huge messes. And I was mad at myself for being mad at such stupid things. And I lost it. I mean, really lost it.

I yelled at the dog first. Poor Abe. He always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then I yelled at Jeff. Poor Jeff. He was just there. Lucky for the kids they had already gone to bed or else they probably would have received the brunt of my grumpiness.

Since I don't feel too bad about being grumpy with Abe (he forgets easily), it wasn't but 10 minutes (about half way in to My Rona Home) after my fit that I began to feel sincere remorse for how I had yelled at my poor husband. Poor guy. So, I did what I find myself needing to do way too often.......I apologized. It was a sincere apology. I really did feel terrible. I couldn't even back up the apology with a, "I acted that way because.......". I had no idea why I acted that way. Sometimes, it's easier when there is a reason. But, there was none. No reason at all.

And do you know what my husband said?? I can tell you what he didn't say. He didn't say, "Are you PMS'ing?" And he didn't say, "Did you take your medication today?" And he didn't say, "That was really ridiculous and uncalled for." Nope. He didn't say any of those things.

All he said was, "I love you, Erin." Huh?!?! He LOVES me?? After my two year old fit. And he loves me? How, oh how, oh how, does my husband love me after all that?

And I was reduced to tears. A big pile of mush, I was. Oh, I love this man. How I LOVE him! So many times he is Jesus to me. He shows me love when I don't deserve it. He shows forgiveness before I've even asked for it.

At our church yesterday, the sermon was about the Fruits of the Spirit (you know- peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control, gentleness, faithfulness) and how we need to show these fruits in our relationships with each other. Jeff modeled it perfectly for me last night.

I am determined that I will follow Jeff's example and be the Fruit in my relationships, too. But, I want to ask that you be patient with me as I struggle to truly grasp what this means. And perhaps before we show anger and unforgiveness towards others, (which I completely deserved last night), perhaps our first response when we are wronged by someone should simply be, "I love you."

I am going to start praying that this will be my response when I feel wronged by others. Lord knows, Fruit has been shown towards me more times than I can count.

Kind of like last night when Jeff told me he loved me.

Dear lady in the black Mercedes SUV.......

2009-11-10T15:17:00.000-08:00

Today as I loaded Selah up in the van, you sat in your brand new shiny black Mercedes SUV. I didn't think about the wind that was blowing like crazy when I opened up my door. The wind caught my door and banged violently in to your passenger door. The scratch was quite noticeable, although there did not appear to be any body damage.

You rolled down your window and, to my surprise, said, "Don't worry about it! It's just a car! No worries!"

"Don't you want to take a look at it?" I asked. "I have insurance and I'm more than happy to give you my information."

"No way! It's a car! And it was a total accident. I'm not even going to look at it."

I mumbled my sincere apologies. And I was moved and humbled by the mercy in which you showed me.

I watched as you unloaded your own daughter and walked in to the grocery store, never even looking at the scratch. I'm not sure you realize what an impact you made on me.

And you, ma'am, are one of the reasons why I have fallen in love with this city called Calgary.

The one that my parents pretend I didn't write.

2009-10-04T14:39:00.000-07:00

I've had something on my mind lately. It's really bugging me. It has to do with "relations" between a husband and a wife. Now, I am NOT afraid of the "s" word, believe me. But, I don't want to write it on this blog and receive unwanted visitors who may be searching for certain articles with the "s" word. So, please know that if you speak to me in person about this subject I am more than happy to use correct terminology, but, for now, on this blog, I will refer to the "s" word as "relations."

I help out with a group at our church called Moms and Tots. It's basically a bunch of moms who get together and have an hour or so of uninterrupted conversation while the kids are being babysat. When I asked the moms what sorts of topics they would like to talk about this year, guess what their first answer was? That's right- relations. Several moms said things along the lines of, "I just want to spice it up more and I want to talk about it openly and honestly in a non-raunchy sort of way."

I have several friends right now who are struggling in their marriages because of lack of relations. Either, it's never been fun or life has gotten in the way and there seems to be no time or energy for it.

I just think that God made relations, people. I think he made it for us to enjoy in our marriages! He didn't make it for us to dread or despise or withhold. He made it for our enjoyment! And I can't figure out why, if He made it for us to enjoy, it's such a taboo subject. I can't figure out why we don't talk about it more at church and with our small groups. I can't figure out why it seems to be such a shameful subject.

Having relations with your spouse is NOT shameful. It is not scandalous. It is a beautiful, amazing God- created gift. Not to mention the fact that it is a physical and emotional need!

I want to direct you to a Christian- based website that we (Jeff and I) have found to be very "helpful." It is called The Marriage Bed. LOVE this site!

For my sake and for others who read this blog and struggle in this area, I would love to hear your suggestions on ways to improve this part of our marriages. And, as always, please comment anonymously if you feel the need!

Emotional eating and all the stories they never told me in Bible class

2009-09-22T12:01:00.001-07:00

I am reading through the Bible. For the first time. Ever. Yes, I've read the Bible and, just like most of you, I know all the main stories. I've memorized all the normal verses that we are challenged to memorize as youngsters. I know Noah and the Ark and David and the Giant and Jonah and the Big Fish and Jesus Born in a Manger.

I have meditated on Philippians and the Psalms. I have sought after wisdom in the Proverbs. I have giggled through Song of Solomon.

But, I've never read all the way through the Bible.

I am amazed at all the things I never learned in Sunday School. Rightfully so, mind you. There is some craziness going on all the way back in Genesis! Like, have you read the Naked Noah story? (Genesis 9: 18-29) And, don't even get me started on Judges. Oh. My. Word. I hadn't even heard of Jephthah and what he did to his daughter?!?!?! Wow.

But, one of the verses that I love the most lately is found in 1 Samuel. Hannah is pleading with God to give her a son. Eli, a priest at the temple where she is praying, sees her and thinks she is drunk or crazy because she's crying so much. Most of us probably know the story of how God does eventually give Hannah a son, whom she calls Samuel. But, back before she becomes pregnant, Eli tells Hannah to "Go in peace." He blesses her by saying, "May the God of Israel give you what you have asked him for." (Chap. 1 vs. 17)

Here's the kicker. The part that makes me laugh. The part that makes me feel better. The part that makes me realize how real of a woman Hannah was:

Then she left and had something to eat. Her face wasn't sad anymore. (Chap. 1 vs. 18)

Seriously?!?!? Even way back then women were emotional eating??? Hannah was sad. She ate. And she was happy. I love that. I have so much more in common with Hannah than I thought! (Besides the fact that we both had sons named Samuel.)

Sometimes I am sad. But then I eat. And I am happy.

Three Years Ago Today.

2009-08-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Selah Thu became ours on this day three years ago. I simply can not imagine life without my beautiful girl. Of course, it wasn't easy. Just like pregnancy, an adoption process is filled with uncertainty and scary moments. But, the second your child is placed in your arms, every doubt simply vanishes. Selah Thu is "ours" in every sense of the word and we know that God's hand orchestrated every part of her becoming ours.

Our very first glimpse of Selah sent via e-mail.

Me meeting Selah for the first time at the orphanage.

Jeff meeting Selah for the first time. She really took to him more than me at first. I remember him saying, "Hello, my sweet Selah. Daddy's gonna buy you a car and a pony. Whatever you want because you're my girl, aren't ya?"

Our spunky, sassy girl.

This isn't the greatest pic of Selah, but I just love the relationship that these two have. Selah adores her daddy. (more than me, I think)

I LOVE THIS GIRL!!!!! (And I think our smiles are similar.)

Several months ago, a friend e-mailed me after I had made a comment about Selah being adopted. (I can't remember the exact comment.) Anyways- my friend wrote and said something along the lines of, "I forget that Selah is adopted because she is so much a part of your family. When I look at her, I don't see your "adopted" daughter, I simply see Selah, your daughter." (I'm not sure, Hope, you knew how much those words meant to me at the time.)

You see, I don't recognize Selah as my adopted daughter. When someone approaches us and asks us about her, I am usually taken aback because I forget that she looks different. She is just our daughter.

She is not my adopted daughter. Not my daughter that looks different.

Just my daughter.

Jeff and I are having a discussion and would like your opinion.

2009-08-10T19:10:00.000-07:00

Is it always possible for one spouse to work and one to stay at home and maintain a reasonable standard of living? (ie, live above poverty) Post anonymously if you feel the need.

Halfway to manhood.

2009-07-16T21:13:00.001-07:00

That's what Sam reminded me of this morning. Tomorrow, Sam will be nine. Could it be that this boy who I gave birth to a mere nine years ago is so close to being a legal adult? It's hard to believe.

I love this boy. (And I will continue to say "boy" for a very long time.) I love his desire to please and the frustration he hasn't quite learned to control when he doesn't please. I love his competitiveness- so much like my own. I love his desire to be like his daddy. I love his protectiveness of Selah.

There is much I am proud of in Sam. I think that the mama bear has come out in me more often over Sam than my other kids. He is intelligent and sensitive and sometimes in the world's eyes this can equal nerdy and a cry baby. How often I have told him through my own tears that the Lord is pleased with his sensitive heart and that this is how Sam was created! And how often I have come to my room and sobbed knowing that there will be more heartache and trials and wanting so badly to shield him from it all.

Sam is quite proud of the increased hairiness on his arms and gets very excited over every little bump that pops up on his face. "Mom- I think I'm getting my first pimple!" he'll say. I love this sweet innocence and I hope he will always be proud, but know it is not likely he will always be eager to share. I wish I could hold on to it a little bit longer.

I wish I could hold on to Sam a little bit longer. I wish I could shield him from the world a little bit longer. And at the same time, pray that we have prepared him in the way he deserves.

This is what is on my heart on this night- this eve of Sam being halfway to manhood.

Lessons from Mt. Rushmore

2009-07-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago, rather abruptly, I decided to take the kids out of school a week early and embark upon a lengthy road trip. Jeff would fly down and meet us in Kansas at his family's place when his busiest work season was over. On the drive home, an easier journey with Jeff driving too, we had the privilege of stopping at several US landmarks, one of which was Mount Rushmore.

Driving up to the monument is an experience in itself. As you round the corner of a windy road, there it is, in plain sight. And it is breathtaking. To see the actual sculpture and it's beauty brought tears to my eyes. I loved reading the stories behind all four presidents and the reasons why their faces were chosen to grace this national monument.

I also loved reading the quotes from the sculptors and artists themselves. It was fascinating to hear many endearing stories about these men as they worked to mold one of the most visited monuments in the USA. This quote, in particular, from Gutson Borglum, impressed me:

"This is the work that I love the most, this intimate contact with the four men. As I become engrossed in the features and personality of each man, I feel myself growing in stature, just as they did when their characters grew and developed."

It occurred to me as I read that this is exactly how I want my relationship with Christ to be. Just as Mr. Borglum dug and hammered and learned about these men, I want to read the Word, pray for His will, and become engrossed in learning about Christ's character. Maybe in digging, learning, and praying, I will know Christ intimately and my life will eventually begin to imitate His. I have a long ways to go. A long, long, ways.

We heard several stories about the mistakes that were made along the way as the sculptors carved. If you look really closely, you will see big holes where chunks of stone were mistakenly chipped away. I suppose my life is a similar testimony. Even as I long to be a Christ imitator, I fail. There are big holes. Big, ugly discrepancies that I long to hide.

As I continually immerse myself in Him, I hope that the holes will become less and less visible. As I "grow in stature", I hope that when the Lord looks at me He will see mostly Himself. Like the artists longed for their sculpture to be perfect likeness to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln, I long for my life to represent the perfectness of Jesus.

I hope that when all is said and done the discrepancies will be less visible than the beauty of Christ as He lived in me.

Silas Prays

2009-07-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

I love to hear my children pray. Love it. Sometimes, I learn something that is on their hearts that I had no idea was burdening them. Sometimes, I'm amazed at the words that come out of their mouths.

Silas, especially, seems to have a gift for "Spirit-led" prayers. Recently, when at the home of sweet friends for dinner, Silas asked if he could say the blessing before the meal. His words were, "Lord, thank you for this house that is like a home and these people who are like family." What was amazing about these words was that Jeff and I had just signed on a house about 7 blocks away from this family and one reason why we liked the house was because of it's proximity to "Uncle" Curtis and "Auntie" Bernice.

Jeff and I had struggled quite a bit with whether or not we had made the right decision in buying this particular house. But, with those words, God- through Silas- confirmed to us that this is where we are supposed to be. We are a mere seven blocks away from "these people who are like family," and it absolutely thrills me!

We move in July 17. So, we will be homeowners! Please come and visit us. It is our goal that when you visit us, the words of Silas's prayer will be true for you, as well.

Seven Days

2009-06-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

Seven days. That's how long I knew I was pregnant. I tried so hard not to get too emotional or attached. But, I did. How could I not? I thought about what it would be like to be big and pregnant. It's been seven years since I was big and pregnant! I looked, ever so briefly, at tiny little clothes in the shop windows. I admired other pregnant women and their round bellies. I was tempted a time or two to buy a cute maternity outfit. But, I held off.

The two pregnancies before this one, I also lost. One to an ectopic pregnancy and one to a miscarriage. In my head, and not necessarily out loud, I thought, "Third time's a charm!" But, it was not to be.

I have pondered God and His mysterious ways the last couple of days. Why did He allow me to get pregnant and then take it away from me again? I even prayed at the beginning that I would have all the normal signs of pregnancy so that I would know. I had it all- morning sickness, sore boobs, headaches, tiredness. But, God, in His infinite wisdom that I don't understand, took it away. And I'm strangely at peace. Sad, but peaceful.

I am thankful for my living and dining room that currently smell like a flower shop because of sweet friends who knew of our loss and sent flowers. I am thankful for a dear friend that came over when she found out I was miscarrying and made dinner while we laughed and cried over a bottle of wine. I am thankful for some other precious friends who came just to visit and weren't afraid of my unshowered, unkept self. I am thankful for a friend who allowed me to vent on the phone shortly after I found out I was losing the pregnancy and knew that I didn't mean what I was saying. She just listened and encouraged- no judgment.

I am thankful for my husband. He was away on business when it all started happening and had gone on a little shopping trip for the new baby. He bought a little onesie bearing the words, "I have the world's greatest dad." How sweet is that?

I am thankful for my three children. Sam, with his amazing smile and ability to know when all that is needed is a hug. Silas, with his hilarious charm that makes me laugh, and Selah, with her sassy cuteness. I am blessed to be mom of these three here on earth.

I have given myself the weekend to grieve. I have felt the need to clean- a lot. I have spent most of the last two days in my PJ's. I turned on worship music really loud this morning and cleaned in my pajamas while everyone else was at church. It was good.

So, I will cry over the loss of this sweet little life. But, I will rest in knowing that all three of my lost babies get to listen to the sweet voice of Jesus every day!

After my ectopic pregnancy I wrote a song called "Jesus Knows Your Name." I will leave you with the words that I have tried to sing, but can't quite get through without crying yet.

I dreamed about you, thought I saw your face as I held you in my arms.
Thought I saw you breath, thought I saw you smile, and I thought I saw your beating heart.
Some may say that you never had a soul, but I know:

Jesus knows your name, the one I never got to say.
He hears every prayer, the ones I never heard you pray.
Jesus knows your name. Jesus knows your name.

I cried for you, part of me died with you, and part of me came alive again.
I wrote a song for you- wish I could sing it to you, until I remember where you've been.
No song I could sing could be as nice as the ones you hear from Jesus every night.

Jesus knows your name, the one I never got to say.
He hears every prayer, the ones I never heard you pray.
Jesus knows your name. Jesus knows your name.

Better

2009-03-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

I am feeling better and better every day. I am starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel and am realizing that perhaps my despair was more chemical than anything else. I won't go into details about the results of my blood work, but suffice to say, I am feeling better!

The Lord has sent me some awesome outlets that I am super excited about. One of them is that I get to be a part of a praise band. For those of you who know me well, you know that I thrive on music and I am thrilled to be playing with some very talented musicians right now. We lead our first worship service this Sunday evening and I am counting down the days.

Also, tomorrow evening, Jeff's boss is keeping our kids- ALL NIGHT!!! Now if THAT isn't an amazing boss, I don't know what is! Lori has two teenage daughters and an incredible husband and they offered for us to leave our kids all weekend long. We are going to let them for one night (we don't want to overwhelm them) and are super excited to have a night alone in our own house. Hmmmm......what EVER will we do?!?!?!?

And, God has sent me some awesome and wonderful women friends that I am so thankful for. One of them is Carrie. She recently moved here from the states and I simply LOVE having someone to talk to who really "gets" it. I mean REALLY gets it.

My precious friend, Brandi, has become so dear to me. Seriously, you should read her blog. She is hilarious and deep and compassionate and....well.....there are many things I appreciate this girl. I am thankful to be sitting at her feet and learning from her Godliness.

Jeff has continued to be wonderful and supportive. I sometimes wonder how he puts up with me. But, he does. And, he will.....because that's just the kind of guy he is. How blessed am I?

So, it's not that bad. It is not that bad. Calgary is actually a pretty darn cool city. Except for housing prices. Yeah. Housing prices in Calgary are not so cool. But, we still want visitors. Even if we're living in a shack- we'll make room. I promise. And I'll cook a really good meal or two to make up for the fact that you have to sleep on the floor.

I shouldn't feel like this

2009-03-03T15:44:00.000-08:00

I warned you this was going to get personal.

I am in a rut right now that I can't seem to get out of. Am I depressed? Is it seasonal effectivness disorder? Is my thyroid out of whack? Perhaps, I am just a really selfish sinner. I honestly do not know but I would love to hear from any of you who have maybe struggled with depression.

I feel like I have no right to be like this. There is no reason for me to cry all the time. There are people who have real reasons to be sad.

To top it all off, Selah just came in to my room to tell me my boobs were "looking awfully big." And, "They're not growing down, Mommy. There just going up, up, up!" (And, before you ask, no, I am not pregnant.) Sad. So so sad. I will NOT cry over this. And I might even laugh.

Should I talk to a doctor? Am I going crazy? Should I be committed? Seriously......I would love to know.

The Truth

2009-02-23T11:27:00.000-08:00

I'm having a hard time here in Calgary. A very hard time. I seriously want to come home, wherever that may be, and, yet, God, for reasons unbeknownst to me, is having us stay- permanently. Yes, that's right, the Lonard's are staying in Calgary.

Any time I've ever been to a new place before, I am able to get right in there and make new friends and feel as though I have some sort of network or support group. I thought I had that for a while, but things have changed recently and I am very aware of how woefully out of place I am.

I need to be able to come to my blog and read encouraging comments right now. I need to have a little control over who is reading- Lord knows I don't have much control over anything else.

Any good thing I ever thought about myself is being challenged. I'm not sure if it's from God or the Devil himself, but I am in desperate need of encouragement.

On Saturday, I was having some quiet time and crying out to God to send me some encouragers. Low and behold, the phone rang. It was my precious and amazing friend, Jill G. She called just to say Hi. And I poured out the story- the whole story that I can't write even here on a private blog- and she encouraged. Simply encouraged me. I love her and I love when God does stuff like that.

So, this blog that has served several different purposes during the course of it's life, is changing again. I am going to be posting a little more personal things. Things I am struggling with. It may be a little too much at times for some of you. This is a pretty dark time for me. When it's too much, just don't read. It won't hurt my feelings because I won't even know!

Thank you for reading and thank you for your prayers right now!

Going Private

2009-02-21T09:26:00.001-08:00

Hello friends. I started this blog several years ago as we began the adoption process to chronicle our journey to Selah. Along the way, it has become a scrapbook of sorts, a place for me to vent, and, now, to share about our stay here in Calgary. I have appreciated your encouragement and your thoughts, whether agreeing or disagreeing, and this has always been a place for me to come to think. My thoughts, these days, are a bit more personal and I have decided to take my blog private. If you'd like to be a part of it, send me an e-mail at erin76@juno.com and I'll send you an invitation. Thank you very much, blog friends!

My Mother-in-Law

2009-02-19T17:23:00.000-08:00

February 20 is my sweet mother-in-law, Carol's, birthday. Today, I would like to honor her. Besides the fact that she is mother to my husband and obviously did an amazing job, Carol has become a cherished friend and mentor. I am so thankful for our relationship.

Carol is an amazing grandmother. My children adore her. She learned that Sam loves to play games, so she plays games with him. She learned that Silas likes to eat donuts, so she gets him donuts. She learned that Selah loves playing princesses and Carol can often be found playing pretend with her.

I appreciate the fact that Carol raised Jeff to be so hard-working and reliable. These are some of my favorite qualities in Jeff and I know they were instilled by his parents.

I take my last name very seriously. It is my desire to live up to it's heritage and the example that others who bear this name have set for me.

Thank you, Carol, for putting up with me. Thank you for Jeff. And thank you for the amazing woman that you are!

Dangerous Prayer

2009-02-14T09:41:00.001-08:00

I want to pray a dangerous prayer.
But fear keeps me from going there.
What if I'm lead to places unknown?
Or You lead me far from the comforts of home?
What if you take me from things I hold near?
Or take from me people I hold so dear?

I'm afraid where You'll lead me
I'm afraid You won't need me
In the places that I think are best.
Though I know where You take me
You will not forsake me
Though I may be put to the test.

I want to pray a dangerous prayer
But fear keeps me from going there.
What if You lead me to enemy hands?
Or give me a message no one understands?
What if I'm with those who want nothing to do
With hearing about a Love that is true?

I'm afraid where You'll lead me
I'm afraid You won't need me
In the places that I think are best.
But I know where you take me
You will not forsake me.
Though I may be put to the test.

I want to pray a dangerous prayer.
But fear keeps me from going there.

Meal-taker

2009-02-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

I have realized something about myself in the last few weeks. And I am sharing with you because I am curious if any of you are fellow "meal-takers."

What I mean is this: I am a "meal- taker." When I don't know what to do or say to someone, I take them a meal. I have organized several "meal-taking events" for different families and it may seem like a sweet and selfless thing to do. However, I have come to see it as somewhat selfish and a weakness of mine.

I'd like to be one of those people that has loads of wisdom to bestow on my fellow sister or brother who is grieving or having a rough go of it. I'd like to be the one who can just show up and make someone laugh with all my charm and wittiness. I wish I was the one who could sit and listen- really really listen to someone who needed a shoulder to cry on.

But, I'm awkward sometimes. I don't know what to say. I'm only funny to a certain few who know me well. And I really only take the time to listen when it's convenient for me.

Most of the time, it's easy to cook a meal, though. It's easy to cook a little extra for someone when I'm cooking for my own family anyway. It's convenient to send out an e-mail asking for others to do the same.

Recently, there have been some who have said, "You are so sweet, Erin, to do this for us." And I smile and say, "It was nothing, really." But, what I don't think they understand is that it really WAS nothing. It was the easy thing to do. It was the only thing I knew to do.

I'm not saying that being a "meal-taker" is a bad thing, by any means. I will probably continue to be a "meal taker." But, I deeply admire and respect those who don't need to be "meal-takers" because they know that just being there is enough, even if they are empty-handed. How I long to be one of you!

Someday, I will be one of you. I will be the one who knows just what to say or when not to speak at all. But, for now until I learn better, I will be the "meal-taker."

Long overdue

2009-01-11T20:07:00.001-08:00

We had the blessing of travelling to Cabo, Mexico the week after Christmas. After the long, cold winter last year here in Calgary, we realized how nice it would be to break it up a bit. My parents, who have a time share that can be exchanged for foreign destinations, agreed to help us find a place to go and our only criteria was that it was some place warm and sunny. Cabo was where we ended up and my parents met us there. It was a fabulous vacation and we are indebted to Mom and Dad for making it possible!

This is the property where we stayed- The Wyndham's Coral Baja. It was beautiful and every room had a view of the ocean.

Here is a view of the ocean, but this picture surely does it no justice. It was the most beautiful beach I have ever seen. The water was blue and clear and the sand was white and clean. It was heavenly to walk barefooted through the sand.

We had a lot of fun in the pool. We managed to prevent any sunburns, but Selah still got major tan lines in spite of the fact that I slathered sunscreen on her every day. I wish I had her skin!

Many hours were spent building castles in the sand. The kids had so much fun!

My parents brought a 3D movie to watch with the kids. They were really cute all cuddled up on the couch.

One of the best things we did was go on a sunset "pirate ship" cruise. The boys got pirate headbands and said, "Argh!" a lot. A bonus of the cruise was that a mama whale and her baby came up within 10 meters of our boat. We got to see their tales! I got a couple of pictures but they didn't turn out so well.

My parents kept the kids one night while Jeff and I went out to dinner. A mariachi band played a romantic song for us in Spanish. We didn't understand the words, but it was a gorgeous song!

The boys, Jeff, and I went on a special boat ride while Selah stayed with Nana and Pop. We went across the bay and explored "Lover's Beach," which is only accessible by boat. The boys had such a great time climbing rocks and splashing in the waves.

Selah sure had a good time with her Nana and Pop!

And here is our family beach picture that my dad took with his new camera. He did a pretty good job, don't you think?

There is much going on in our family as we work to fulfill New Year's Resolutions and think about what this year may hold for our family. We have some big decisions to make as this is supposed to be our last year here in Calgary. We are praying about where God wants us next and excited about all the possibilities.

No matter where we end up or what we do, we know that Lord has been so good to us here in Calgary. Canada has grown in our hearts and it is gut wrenching to think about leaving. Who knows where we will end up????? Stay tuned........

Weekend with the sisters

2008-12-16T15:54:00.000-08:00

I had the blessing of being with my sisters a few weeks ago. My younger sister, Amanda, and I flew to San Antonio and completely surprised our oldest sister, Amy, for her birthday. Keeping it a surprise was, in itself, quite an accomplishment as we are not exactly known for our secret keeping skills.

It's difficult to express in words what my sisters have come to mean to me over the years. Simply put, I love 'em. I love what great wives they are. I love what amazing mothers they are. And I love what Godly women they are. Here are a few pics of our weekend together:

Amy in all her glory. (Come on, Amy, you knew I HAD to post it.)

My gorgeous sisters Amanda and Amy

Amanda and me

The three sisters

Blogging Blues

2008-12-03T16:29:00.001-08:00

I have thought about many posts I want to write lately. The problem has been finding the time to write them and write them well. I've started several posts but have struggled with exactly what it is I want to say. Some of the topics are serious and some are more light hearted.

Here are a few things I have wanted to write about:

-The election and how I deeply struggled with who to vote for and how I hated that even Christians were so divided over who should be our next president.

-How my younger sister and I pulled off a huge surprise for my older sister's birthday by showing up on her doorstep in San Antonio. (MUCH fun and shopping and delicious food!!!)

-Selah's refusal to poop in the potty.

-How one of Sam's dearest friends is from Pakistan and the amazing conversations we have had with Sam following the attacks in Mumbai. (Sam has decided the peace begins with Taja and him!)

-The formal Christmas Gala our family was invited to and my fears about my children behaving themselves at an event where our table cost more than our monthly house rent.

-How I love being a mama.

-How I want to simplify every aspect of my life.

-How I laughed and laughed over a verse I found in the Bible last week about a woman who was very emotional and how she ate and felt better. (How I can relate!)

-My struggle to maintain my weight after working so hard to lose it.

There is much going on in our family right now. I want to thank all of you who still read and check up on us. I am sorry for my lack of posts. Maybe my New Year's Resolution will be to blog more. Maybe not. I don't know! But, for now, Happy Holidays!

Conversations with Silas

2008-11-02T18:29:00.000-08:00

Silas: Mom, I think I know what I want to be when I grow up.

Me: Oh, really? What's that?

Silas: A policeman.

Me: That sounds great! What made you decide you wanted to be a policeman?

Silas: Well, policemen get to eat donuts every day!

Later on in the week as we are driving along enjoying the silence.........

Silas: Mom, I'd sure hate to try and plant a tree if I didn't have any arms. That'd be tough. REALLY tough. Glad I don't have to do that. Aren't you glad, too, Mom?

Me: Um.......(trying not to burst out laughing).....yep, Silas. I'm glad, too. Really glad I don't have to plant a tree with no arms.

How could you not love this kid? Thank you, Lord, for children who make us laugh!

I usually brag about my kids, but..........

2008-10-15T19:28:00.001-07:00

I got a new haircut. And I really like it. I didn't have to work too hard for it.
I also lost 20 pounds. I promised my sisters a picture. I DID work really hard for that. And I'm pretty darn proud of myself! Just a few more pounds to go.....

The Best Baby Bump

2008-10-09T11:18:00.000-07:00

My incredibly talented cousin, Teri, took this photo for a competition and recently found out she is a finalist! The winner is chosen by votes. If you have a moment, would you please consider going here and voting for Teri's picture. She is a well deserved wife and mother and I REALLY want her to win!!

Drew

2008-09-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

Our hearts are heavy this morning. Read here about our amazing friends and their angel boy, Drew.

Faces

2008-09-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

Just a few reasons why life at our house is always interesting!

Happy Birthday to Jeff

2008-09-17T06:29:00.001-07:00

Today is my sweet husband's birthday. I got to spend the whole day with him yesterday hiking in Banff. We enjoyed several hours of uninterrupted couple time and it was fabulous.

It wasn't that long ago that I saw Jeff across the church foyer and whispered to my sister that I had this weird feeling that THAT was the guy I was going to marry. It wasn't that long ago that my mother came home from a small Bible study group and said she had "met this really nice guy that I should meet." I rolled my eyes. But, it wasn't that long ago that I put two and two together and realized it was the same guy from the church foyer. Poor guy. Never had a chance.

Jeff and I are complete opposites in so many ways and yet, somehow, our marriage works. Here are some examples of how opposite we are:

-Jeff is low maintenance. I am not.
-Jeff is shy. I am not.
-Jeff can not quit a job until it is finished. I have 100 million projects going at the same time.
-Jeff is introspective. I am......what's the opposite of introspective??
-Jeff possesses a quiet wisdom. I wish I did.
-Jeff does not require a lot of affirmation. I do. (In fact, I'm not even really writing this post for him- he doesn't need it. I just want everyone to know how great my husband is!)

Jeff is a hardworking husband and father. I am proud to be his wife. I am completely head over heals in love with him! Happy birthday, Jeff!

Drew

2008-09-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

I want to ask that you please pray for some sweet friends of ours. Jordan and Kari have a blog here about their precious boy, Drew, who began having very serious seizures last May. They haven't stopped and he is now in ICU in critical condition. I can't describe in words what a sweet, angelic baby Drew is. I agree with Kari- definitely at LEAST half angel!!! Please please pray for the Clark's.

Hope for the world

2008-09-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

This morning as Selah and I were walking she said, "Mom, would you like some pink lipstick?"

"No thank you, I already have my lipstick on for the day," I replied.

"Oh. Well, I think you need pink lipstick. It just makes me SOOOO happy. It makes everyone happy. Even Aunt Amanda. Let's get some, OK, Mom?"

I think what really would make me happy is seeing Selah light up if I really did buy her pink lipstick. That smile, my friends, really is hope for the world!

Kelly Carter for President!

2008-09-03T13:43:00.000-07:00

To preface this post, please read the previous post. Kelly, thank you for making me think.

Erin,
There are some Canadians who are very negative about Americans. There are many who are not, because they recognize that to generalize about Americans is to hold a mistaken, skewed, unthoughtful perspective about so many good people. There are some Americans who are very negative about Canadians. There are many who are not, because they recognize that to generalize about Canadians is to hold a mistaken, skewed, unthoughtful perspective about so many good people.

Because of their place in the world there are some Americans who are arrogant, self-centered, short-sighted, rude bores. Because of their place next to the US some Canadians suffer from the forgotten little brother complex, with various insecurities and what looks in many cases like jealousy, when really they have nothing to be jealous about, in the same way that Americans have nothing to be arrogant about.

I have witnessed American crime and their ghettos. They are nothing to be proud of. Shame on them. I have witnessed Canadian native reserves and their unfortunate circumstances for those who reside there. They are nothing to be proud of. Shame on Canadians for allowing this to happen.I have witnessed American imperialism. It is nothing to be proud of. I have witnessed Canadian moral laxity. It is nothing to be proud of.

There are real live ugly Americans and real live ugly Canadians. I not only have seen both, I have probably acted like both at different times.It shouldn't surprise us that this would be the case about these people and their two countries, because these are fallen countries filled with fallen people who don't walk as God would have them walk. What else should we expect?

On the other hand, Americans and Canadians are amazingly blessed to be living in these two countries, with all the privileges they enjoy. If only the US could do something about their ridiculous health care system and Canada could do something about its ridiculous taxes! :)

Dear readers of this comment, the only Kingdom with lasting value is the Kingdom of God, a Kingdom evident to some degree in both the US and Canada, but largely missing from both. My impression, Erin, is that what you have experienced in Canada is no different from what someone from say . . . Mexico, may experience in the United States - many people treating immigrants well, some people treating immigrants poorly.

Erin, I am not surprised that you sometimes feel persecuted in Canada; nor am I surprised that you have met Canadians that you think of as some of your dearest friends ever.Erin, no matter where you are, you have been called to be a witness for Christ. And the world is sometimes going to be hostile to you because you are a Christian.

You and I have talked about your move to Canada in terms of it being a missional enterprise. If you think of yourself as a Christian first, who has been called as an ambassador to Canada (a diplomat, if you will) for the King of Kings, then you should anticipate that the evil one will want to make your stay where you are as miserable as possible. Don't let him! So, if things don't go well for you in Canada, should you, with your missional perspective, be surprised? What would be easier for Satan than to bring some ugly Canadians into your path to discourage you? He certainly can find ugly Americans to discredit the efforts of American Christians sent into the world, thereby hampering American missionary efforts! Finding ugly Canadians and ugly Americans is just so easy!

For us to recognize this and refuse to let Satan work negativity into our experiences would, I think, be profitable for us all! The good you can do in Canada far outstretches whatever negatives you may experience here because you are an American!

From an ugly American who lives like an ugly Canadian but who just wants to live for one beautiful Lord.

This is the deal

2008-09-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

I've struggled here in Calgary. A lot.

I love this city. I have made friends who are very dear to me and I hope will be for a very long time to come.

But, as much as I didn't think there would be cultural differences between Americans and Canadians- there are. And while to some the differences may be very subtle, because I tend to be on the sensitive side, these differences have affected me greatly.

It affects me when even our close church friends make negative remarks regarding Americans. I usually try and walk away so I don't have to hear it, but sometimes I don't get away quick enough. And then I get my feelings hurt, although I know it wasn't meant to be personal.

It has been my experience that Canadians aren't as "mushy" as Americans. (At least Americans from the south.) If they don't want to talk to you, they tell you. In the south, we may make up a quick excuse as to why we can't talk, but, in general, we don't say, "I don't want to talk to you right now." (I actually think the Canadian way is much better, it's just hard if you are on the receiving end.)

In the south, when a prayer request is sent out, you pray and you tell the requester you are praying. Maybe you give them a call. But, almost always, you at least show concern. I am learning that people show concern in a different way here.

I once wrote a "Thank you" note to a friend from the boys' school telling her how much I appreciated her friendship. She later told me that was a silly thing to do and not necessary here in Canada.

Business is also done a little differently here. I have never seen Jeff as "beaten down" from work as I have since we moved here. He has been criticized and yelled at more in these 10 months than his 8 other years of being in the business world. I can hardly stand to hear about it!

I struggle to not have daily pity parties. I struggle to appreciate the gift of living in a different country. I struggle with pride. I struggle with not wanting to be involved with any ministry knowing that it may not be appreciated in the way I think it should. Wow. How selfish does all that sound??

Part of my reason in writing this is to help my sweet Canadian friends understand a little better why I'm so darn emotional half the time! I recognize that I am the outsider here. I can not expect everyone else to change. I'm the one who must do the changing.

The Story

2008-08-27T07:45:00.001-07:00

Sam is the eight year old boy mentioned in the post below. He was riding his bike down the sidewalk when he lost control and hit the truck. The whole situation would have been a little easier if he had been disobeying or careless or had a history of such accidents. It was all innocent, though, and we have made it into a lesson about how accidents happen even when no one is doing anything wrong.

The man was not angry but he was distressed. What concerned me was that before I saw the scratch, he told me it was a "big dent." I was afraid of being taken advantage of so I gave him our name and number and took a picture of the damage. He told me that he had a "buddy" who could cut him a good deal and that further rattled me because I felt it should be taken to a third party. The situation was further complicated because he is from out of town.

Throughout the whole thing Sam was crying his eyes out. He felt horrible about it and I was proud that he felt bad. We later learned he knew we would have to pay for it and he didn't want to use ALL of his hard earned allowance but he wanted to help some. I told him that he would need to help some, but we would not require him to use all of his allowance.

Later in the evening, the man ended up calling and saying he had decided he didn't want any compensation and that he understood it was an accident. I really appreciated that, but told him we really did want to help. He said he was impressed that Sam had immediately "fessed up". The man said he would not have confessed when he was eight. To say the least, I was proud!

During that conversation, we agreed on an amount and when he is in town next week he will drop by to pick it up along with a letter from Sam apologizing for the damage.

Although it was distressing at first- mostly because this is the first time anything like this has happened- I think it turned into a positive situation. Sam learned the value of telling the truth and the affect it can have on people. We learned that not everyone is out to take advantage. And we all learned that accidents happen- in spite of our best efforts to prevent them.

What would you do?

2008-08-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

An 8 year old boy is riding his bike down the sidewalk. He loses control and runs into the door of your parked 2005 F-150 truck that you just bought two weeks ago. There is a one inch deep scratch, similar to what it might look like if you opened your car door too quickly and banged it into another car door.

Do you insist on being paid for the damages? Do you let it go?

Tell me what you'd do and then I'll tell you the story.

44 degrees fahrenheit

2008-08-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

It's August 22 and Jeff wore a winter sweater to work this morning. Sad. What a wonderful.....and short......summer.

Gotcha Day #2

2008-08-14T08:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Selah,
This is the first glimpse we got of you. From the moment we laid eyes on you, we knew that you were ours. We knew that God intended for you to help complete our family. Of course, because you were ours, we thought you were the most beautiful little girl in the world!
I remember when we finally got to travel to Vietnam and saw the place you lived for the first 17 months of your life. My heart was beating so fast and I could hardly hold the tears back knowing that I was only feel away from meeting my daughter I had prayed for for so long.

When we went inside, we met you and our travel partners met their son,Luke. (You still talk a LOT about Luke.) Those were some of the sweetest moments of my life and I will treasure them always.

We watched you a lot. We wanted to know how you were fed and what your sleeping habits were. You were very well cared for and attached to your nannies at the orphanage.

Daddy was thrilled when you let him hold you for the first time. You, however, weren't quite so sure about him!

I truly could not take my eyes off of you. You were more exquisite than your pictures showed.

After a long time in Vietnam, we got to bring you home. Your brothers were so excited to meet you. We were proud of the way they did not hesitate to welcome you as their little sister.

You especially liked Sam those first weeks. He was very patient with you and it was not unusual for him to rock you to sleep.

Now you've been with us for two whole years. There are an awful lot of people that love you, Selah. Nana is one of the many!

Your smile is the best. I actually think you look a lot like Daddy when you smile.

You love riding the backpack when we go hiking- especially if your Daddy is carrying you. I think he likes it too! (Especially since you're still not that heavy- only 25 pounds!)

Here is our whole family when we were on vacation last week. It's funny because I don't see my "birth" kids and my "adopted" kid. I only see our family- our whole and complete family. Our family that YOU helped complete. I am so madly in love with my precious little girl.

Last year, we made a cake for your first Gotcha Day. When I asked you what you wanted written on it you said, "Happy Day!" I think you were trying to say "Happy Birthday!" but "Happy Day!" seemed very fitting. August 14 is truly a happy, happy day!

We love you sweet girl!

I got spoiled today.

2008-08-11T20:51:00.001-07:00

This is the e-mail I woke up to this morning:

Good Morning!

Get ready for a fun day:) Go ahead and take the boys to day camp and then come on back to the house.

Dress in something you feel cute in, but you don't need to be fancy or anything.

Meghan will be there at 8:30 to watch Selah and will give you further instructions.

Have a wonderful birthday! We love you:)

Mom, Dad, Amy and Amanda

When Meghan showed up she had a note for me that instructed I go to a local day spa. After being pampered with an amazing massage, I was told to go for a "leisurely" lunch at an Italian place across the street. When I showed up, my precious friend, Hope, and four other amazing girls joined me for lunch. After a great lunch, Hope handed me yet another card with a message and instructions. It was an envelope filled with money and I was told to go shopping.

I really didn't think turning 32 was that special, but this is a birthday I will NEVER forget. As much as I wish I didn't love being fussed over, I love being fussed over. I feel so loved right now.

Thank you, family and friends, for an unforgettable day. Thank you for surprising me. Thank you for the time and effort you put into it.

I pretty much feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world.

P.S. I wanted to mention that my husband was in on this, too! AND he made me an amazing birthday dinner that we got to share with friends from Houston, Kani and Casey!!!